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Why it's important to have consistent relationship check-ins in your marriage

If there's one thing I could point out as the biggest contributor to marriage disconnect - it's lack of open and flowing communication.  There are many things that block this but what results is resentment because of anger or hurt feelings.  If this goes without a repair attempt or any kind of resolution the gap in the marriage can grow.


As much as I try to encourage couples in my practice to check in with each other  - many struggle with prioritizing this and/or continuing to do it. 


A consistent check-in with your partner is the antidote to relationship disconnect.


I put this in bold because I truly believe in the power of staying connected in this way.  It's actually easier than people think.  These days many couples pass each other like ships in the night due to jobs, kids, etc... I also notice more couples communicate a lot via texting.  This got me thinking that rather than lament technology as a communication blocker (which is absolutely has the potential to be) why not figure out how to go with what "is" and help modern on-the-go couples at least learn how to check in with each other via text if that's all they can manage much of the time.  Let me be clear that the best kind of communication is face-to-face but these day, there seems to be more that keeps this from happening.


I'm in the process of writing a tip sheet for couples showing them how to use text to stay connected with each other to help alleviate the build-up of resentment and a growing communication gap.  Learn more here.


Meanwhile, I want to hear from people about what keeps them from checking in with other.  Is it not knowing how?  Is it no time?  Let's talk about it...


Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

The Toolbox at

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