Understanding validates our existence, is respectful and mindful. It is amazing that most people do not have this necessary ingredient in their relationship. One reason for this is that people confuse understanding with agreeing. When we understand someone, our partner, we do not necessarily need to agree with them.
Understanding means you understand where the other person is coming from, what they are saying, how they see things, how they interpret things. It means you put yourself in their shoes. Putting yourself in your partner’s shoes does not mean you go there with your mindset. It means you go there and make believe you are them.
This is the best way to understand your partner. When you make believe you are them and look at the situation from their perspective. Look at the situation as if you had their history, their views, their context (gender, religion, ethnicity, etc.), their baggage, their ideals, their dreams – their mindset. When you truly put yourself in their shoes, you can really see how they look at things and how they are affected.
A lot of times, we have a hard time understanding our partner not only because we do not truly put ourselves in their shoes, but because our baggage gets in the way. We relate everything back to us and listen from a wounded stance. Add to this the fact that most people do not know how to really listen, and you end up with unhappy partners and a dissatisfying relationship.
Understanding our partner does not have to become a major production. Here are the basic ideas about understanding our partner:
When you use this technique you will understand your partner and you will show your partner that you understand them. From this loving and respectful place it is a lot easier to see eye-to-eye and get yourselves on the same page.
Being on the same page allows partners to ask for what they need and give what is asked. This helps partners meet each other’s needs and create a satisfying relationship.
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Invite your partner to share about a dissatisfaction they might have and to try to relate it to you without placing blame on you, if applicable. Listen to them using the technique above even if they fail to not be accusatory.
~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!
Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now – we grow in community!
Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationship™ Family!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship:tm: philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple :tm: content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected:tm: with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.