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You love Valentine’s Day, it’s such a blissful thing, to celebrate your love. But somehow, the reality of Valentine’s Day rarely lives up to your fantasy of it. The restaurant was crowded, he didn’t comment (or comment enough) on your new outfit, the five pounds you lost or the perfect way your special sparkly make-up turned out, and the love-making was, well, perfunctory, instead of the blast your socks off you had dreamed of.

Or perhaps, you’re single. And not just single, by yourself. On Valentine’s Day. Alone. Now the reality of Valentine’s Day really doesn’t live up to your fantasy of it.

Either way, the morning after you have a serious case of “Is this all there is? Is this the be-all and end-all of love?” You look to your mate, snoring, slightly stinky from last night’s drinks, and think “If only he were different. If only he’d be more the Prince Charming I always thought I’d end up with.” Or you look to the empty side of the bed next to you and think “If only all the good ones weren’t taken. If only my Prince Charming would come along.”

Hate to rain on your parade, but let me ask you this: Would you marry you? As ego-satisfying as it is to blame the male of the species, have you looked at yourself lately? I don’t mean just in the mirror, I mean have you looked at yourself lately through the eyes of your mate? Or of a prospective mate?

Would you marry you? What do you bring to the equation?

The short list might include answers to questions like: How happy are you with your own life? How responsible are you for your well-being? Do you blame others for what isn’t working, or do you take charge?

How good are you with managing your own finances, your saving, your spending? How competent are you in a crisis? Do you have a fit at the slightest disruption of your routine? How flexible are you? How much of what matters to your mate or a potential mate matters to you?

Are you generally in a good mood or pissy? Do you appreciate life, and life’s little pleasures, or does it take a limo and fancy night out to spark your interest? Are you generous with your smiles and compliments or does it escape your mind to say thank you unless some major effort was involved, like he built a new addition to the house single-handedly.

I could go on, but you get the drift. Whether you’re single and unattached, newly wed, or long time married, take some time this Valentine’s Day to reflect on what you bring to a love relationship. What of the things you seek in a mate, or want in yours, are you already offering? How open and generous is your heart?

Whether you want to re-ignite the passion with your current sweetheart, fan the already hot flames higher, or find a sweetheart to be passionate with, ask yourself “Would I marry me?” and adjust accordingly. You’ll take your relationship-life to a whole new level.

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Hitched Podcast

Episode 587: Loneliness Within Marriage

Even if you're in isolation with your spouse doesn't mean that you still can't be lonely. Dr. Karen Sherman joins to discuss how this is possible, what this means and how to address feeling lonely in marriage.

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