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I popped in on my colleague, Susan Naylen Sorrell, who owns a wonderful, mom-friendly sex shop in Calgary called, A Little More Interesting.

With a mischievous glint in her eye she said, “Trina, you have to watch this!” And sent me home to review, the Pirates 2 Stagnetti’s Revenge; a four disk porn epilogue that is a spoof on The Pirates of the Caribbean series.*

Upon arriving home, my thirteen month old needed his nap and I threw the DVDs down wherever to take care of him.

A few hours later, like a beacon, my husband found the Pirate porn movie and commented with happy surprise, “Where did you get this?” I told him. We talked and joked about the movie. I felt a flush of excitement thinking about watching it together and what fun it would be.

At the same time I felt sad and a bit guilty after our conversation—why is there always guilt attached to everything? I realized it had been a least thirteen months (more like twenty months—yikes!) since we had had any “fun” sex. Yes, we’ve sporadically had sex that has been fun but it’s been jumbled in with “quick the baby’s napping” or “we really need to get some one-on-one time” sex.

Having what I like to call premeditated fun sex—where we think beforehand how to create a fun time together, like watching a titillating movie or using accoutrements—hasn’t happened for almost two years. In fact, I’m sure our stash of toys has a thick layer of dust collecting.

Sex Expert’s confession: Although making a point to have premeditated fun sex hasn’t been that easy with a young baby, I have to sheepishly admit that it wouldn’t have been that difficult either. It just would take a little extra planning, like maybe ten minutes, on our part.

And because we haven’t made much effort to make sex fun, we’ve unfortunately falling into a pretty predictable bad couple habit—hoping the spontaneity gods will shine down on us and magically make our sex special again.

Admittedly, I’m a bit wary to initiate premeditated fun sex. Like anything else, turning around a bad habit will take some work and communication.

But just thinking about having a fun evening with my husband, doing something out of the ordinary, having (hopefully) some rip our clothes off sex and the next morning smiling at each other over coffee is getting me hot. It is worth it to me to do the little bit of work to get some great results.

Are you having premeditated fun sex? If not, why not?

*For those of you who get uptight about porn, there is a lot of woman-made, female-friendly porn.

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Comment by hitched on July 5, 2009 at 9:29am
Great post Trina--very honest. You tease at the end that there's a lot of female-friendly, woman-made porn. Is there a specific name for this category? What makes it female-friendly? Perhaps your answer could be an idea for another blog post.
Comment by Jackie W on March 2, 2010 at 7:16pm
I am 42 and used to be really into porn and toys and all kinds of fun exciting sex. I want it back but once I found out my other half was seeing a 22 yr old when we were first together and then they broke up and then he went back to her and was cheating you me with her I just can't seem to get back into to it. It always reminds me of her because they are always so young. I will never forget his comment...."I needed to find out if it was lust or love" Its been 5 yrs and that haunts me to this day. I want it back but I doubt I will get it back.

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