Where's the Fun Gone?

I popped in on my colleague, Susan Naylen Sorrell, who owns a wonderful, mom-friendly sex shop in Calgary called, A Little More Interesting.

With a mischievous glint in her eye she said, “Trina, you have to watch this!” And sent me home to review, the Pirates 2 Stagnetti’s Revenge; a four disk porn epilogue that is a spoof on The Pirates of the Caribbean series.*

Upon arriving home, my thirteen month old needed his nap and I threw the DVDs down wherever to take care of him.

A few hours later, like a beacon, my husband found the Pirate porn movie and commented with happy surprise, “Where did you get this?” I told him. We talked and joked about the movie. I felt a flush of excitement thinking about watching it together and what fun it would be.

At the same time I felt sad and a bit guilty after our conversation—why is there always guilt attached to everything? I realized it had been a least thirteen months (more like twenty months—yikes!) since we had had any “fun” sex. Yes, we’ve sporadically had sex that has been fun but it’s been jumbled in with “quick the baby’s napping” or “we really need to get some one-on-one time” sex.

Having what I like to call premeditated fun sex—where we think beforehand how to create a fun time together, like watching a titillating movie or using accoutrements—hasn’t happened for almost two years. In fact, I’m sure our stash of toys has a thick layer of dust collecting.

Sex Expert’s confession: Although making a point to have premeditated fun sex hasn’t been that easy with a young baby, I have to sheepishly admit that it wouldn’t have been that difficult either. It just would take a little extra planning, like maybe ten minutes, on our part.

And because we haven’t made much effort to make sex fun, we’ve unfortunately falling into a pretty predictable bad couple habit—hoping the spontaneity gods will shine down on us and magically make our sex special again.

Admittedly, I’m a bit wary to initiate premeditated fun sex. Like anything else, turning around a bad habit will take some work and communication.

But just thinking about having a fun evening with my husband, doing something out of the ordinary, having (hopefully) some rip our clothes off sex and the next morning smiling at each other over coffee is getting me hot. It is worth it to me to do the little bit of work to get some great results.

Are you having premeditated fun sex? If not, why not?

*For those of you who get uptight about porn, there is a lot of woman-made, female-friendly porn.