Where Did the Sexual 'Chemistry' Go?
Question: I love my partner but don’t feel the ‘chemistry’ we once had. What can I do?
Dr. Trina's response
Here’s four ideas to get you started:
(1) Figure out what/ who the top five priorities are in your life. Is your partner one of them? Do your actions follow through on your words?
(2) Rate how easy or hard it is to communicate with difficult topics like sex, or what is bugging you. If it is hard, begin to work through your inability to communicate.
(3) Always think of your partner in positive terms—there was a reason you decided to couple with them. Focus on what is good, instead of what is wrong or they might go and seek approval from other sources.
(4) Spend a minimum one hour per week of one-on-one time.
Watch for Dr. Trina's new website, Have Sex After Kids.com launching September 20th.
Dr. Trina's response
Here’s four ideas to get you started:
(1) Figure out what/ who the top five priorities are in your life. Is your partner one of them? Do your actions follow through on your words?
(2) Rate how easy or hard it is to communicate with difficult topics like sex, or what is bugging you. If it is hard, begin to work through your inability to communicate.
(3) Always think of your partner in positive terms—there was a reason you decided to couple with them. Focus on what is good, instead of what is wrong or they might go and seek approval from other sources.
(4) Spend a minimum one hour per week of one-on-one time.
Watch for Dr. Trina's new website, Have Sex After Kids.com launching September 20th.
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Comment by Ian Smart on September 18, 2010 at 1:41pm -
Like most of us, I feel that I could say YES to all of these. I also know that if Karen was looking over my shoulder she would immediately leap in with "well why don't you do them then". In truth I think it is one thing to say that your partner is one of the top five priorities in your life (and trust me I REALLY do mean it), but when there are jobs to do, and the other pressures of life kick in, then you give in to the easy option - namely doing what others expect you to do, which means that your partner looses out, doesn't get their hour a week, and feels neglected.
I know in my case that I would really want to do these things, but actually the pressure of work means that I just expect Karen to pick up everything I throw at her, and/or I get stroppy when she doesn't because I am stressed about things not getting done. It isn't fair to her, and I do catch myself and apologise afterwards, BUT doesn't stop me, and I suspect the bulk of us, getting to that place.
I think all of this is trying to ask the rhetorical question, how do you turn good intentions regarding your partner into good practice - without life having to get to a crisis first, thereby forcing your actions?
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