I know this article will probably tick off some men. Sorry guys. But I also know that some women will immediately connect with the imagery. When it comes to sex, some men are definitely men and unfortunately other men seem destined to remain boys. What exactly do I mean? Not being a man myself of course I can only make this summation based on years of keen observation, the anecdotal stories of my girlfriends and through the self-incriminating utterances and actions of men themselves.
The popular R and B group of the 1980’s, Boys 2 Men, were not only endearing to us because of their wonderful harmonious blends. As fans we also fell in love with the concept of the group; with the fact that the group represented the antics and expressions of boys growing into manhood. Of course this was clever marketing designed to garner a huge female fan-base. What right-thinking woman can resist the spectacle of the smooth-talking boy-man?
But what does this have to do with love making you might legitimately ask? Everyone knows how much men love sex. Realistically, in terms of importance, it’s an activity right up there with breathing oxygen. Let’s face it girls, it’s just how they’ve been wired. That having been said, it is critical to note that while men will “grow up” in several areas of their lives (financially, educationally, and in terms of their independence) several of them, seem perennially stuck in boyhood-land, in the area of their sexuality.
I will expand on this by comparing several traits of the "sexual boy" and "the sexual man". This is not to suggest that I am promoting that chronological boys should have sex but my terminology is simply a euphemism to describe an immature versus a mature way of viewing love, sex and relationships.
The Sexual Boy
The Sexual Man
Even though all women would love to dwell in relationship utopia with a “sexual man” instead of a “sexual boy”, chances are that many of us find ourselves saddled with the latter. Why is this you might ask? Social norms continue to dictate that we raise boys to be uncomfortable with the expression of emotion because we are afraid of feminizing them. We are then forced to settle with the fallout from such a practice in our intimate relationships. As a result, as women, we continue to make sexual and emotional demands of our men that they have not been socialized to deliver on a normal day.
It is likely that the “sexual man” has had a really balanced up-bringing by wise parents who allowed him to engage all aspects of his personality. Even if this were not the case, through education, reflection and or counseling, he has learned to tap into his softer-gentler, nurturing side and has perfected the fine art of combining this with his raw, male sexiness. The result is a really desirable guy who knows how to bring both sexual and emotional pleasure to his intimate relationship.
What’s A Woman to Do?
For those women who have been married for years, it is probable that they have seen much more of the “sexual boy” in their beds than the “sexual man”. What’s a woman then to do in this scenario? Realistically there is no quick fix to deeply ingrained behavior patterns with which we have become comfortable or with which we define ourselves. One obvious characteristic of an exclusive relationship, should nonetheless be, the communication of dissatisfaction. There can be no hope for improvement in the relationship, if sex is allowed to continue unruffled; even if the male ego is a sacred cow. This calls for direct honesty on the part of the woman who is unhappy in bed. The following represents some of the response choices available to her.