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What Makes Your Relationship Die?

On my blog post today, I am going to share with you What do
you need to do to change natural processes  that negatively
impact your marriage and how to switch to nurture your
relationship. As a matter of fact,

        "Everything Undergo Constant Changes"

caused by natural processes. -- People say that marriage
changes a lot even within a short period of time after
wedding.
 
In my review, people also admitted that no matter what
everyone did in marriage, the relationship had soon became
worn out. They were in consent saying that typically within
6 months after wedding,

->  He or she was different - "She is not smiling like she
    would"... "He is not giving me any compliments as he
    used to..."

->  Intimacy felt different - "She is not following me into
    the shower to admire my body any more." "He is not
    putting surprises under my pillow, so I think he is not
    in love with me any more."

->  Needs and wants were different - both are busy working
    and hardly having time for one another.
 
             "There is NO FUN in their life."

If I wanted to hear more, that was no point, they all were
confirming the same --

  "Relationship was NEVER the same as at the beginning."

Meaning?

     "It Was Shabby and no More GREAT and ENJOYABLE."

Why did it happen?

I started thinking about

         "Marriage Expectations & Nurturing"

->  What do couples expect from a long lasting relationship
    in the first place?
->  Why, after marriage, couples lose mutual emotional
    attractions and stop seeing the beauty in their partner
    and their married life?
 
        "Couples FORGOT about the Law of Growing."

(A) Their dating was babys' and toddlers' age from the point
    of view of marriage life itself.
(B) Their wedding their test of maturity.
(C) Their marriage was a beginning of a long way to reach
    success and harmony between husband and wife.

This is the reason I want you to know ONE SECRET in exploring
the Law of Change.
 
          "Accept The Nature & Do The Nurture".

See it this way:

Your NATURE after marriage --

->  You think of your marriage as of an "all set" partners
    relationship. You stop doing the little things you used
    to practice to attract your sweetheart before marriage
    day by day, hour by hour, all the times. Yes, at the
    beginning, you were comfortable with your situation.
    -- This is BAD.

The NURTURE as a MUST --

->  It appears a necessity for your marriage to change
    and grow. You want to realize that you MUST respect
    your marriage as a small kid and give your relationship
    space to grow and to gain maturity. You are the leader
    and the visionary of your marriage journey. -- This is
    GOOD.

Think about this a second, ok?

I will show you a picture of YOURSELF - in a role of your
own marriage NURTURER. But before I share this with you,
I need to make you aware of FIVE mistakes you MUST avoid
to be a successful nurturer in the first place.

As a considerate spouse, you will welcome the occasion
to take the advantage of NOT repeating these FIVE mistakes
someone else did before;

(1) Never Account Your Spouse Into Your Possessions. --
    No matter how attached you both are, you should NOT
    consider your spouse as your possession.

    This is a common BIG misconception. We can not POSSESS
    one another the way we "possess" our parents. The only
    true interpersonal possession is seen in little children
    when they are hugging their moms or dads saying: "This
    is MY MOM, I am not going to give her to anyone."

    In marriage, we label husbands and wives as "OURS" for
    social reasons. "Owning" them is just fictive. People
    cannot be owned, not even through LOVE.

    However...
   
    If you continue, in your mind, to "own" your spouse,
    you will be in danger to "enslave" them. And here, your
    big problems begin. There is a reason for it --
 
          "No Man's Desire is to be Enslaved."

    That's why you also can not say to your spouse --

                 "Do this! Do that!
              I need this, I want that..."
          (even if you say Honey, Please...)


    Your spouse will develop aversion to your approach
    to them. They will rather stay away from you than
    to be taken advantage of.
   

(2) Never Stop Respecting Your Spouse as a Free Individual.
    -- The act of marrying a person does not mean depriving
    him or her of one's freedom. Remember, marriage is
    a freewill bond.
       
    Therefore, you should NOT stop respecting your spouse's
    freedom and independency.

    You will make a huge mistake if you neglect this fact
    of freedom. -- Believe it or not, men and women need
    to be ensured that they are FREE even in marriage.

          "That is Why They Stay Married."

    I admit that we, human beings, tend to own and to rule
    over others in the same way our parents ruled over us
    when we were children. This is NOT a good situation
    in a balanced marriage.

    Nonetheless...

    If you disrespect your spouse and deprive them from
    their freedom - meaning deprive them of enjoying the
    life outside marriage - with friends, on sport events,
    hobby, shopping, etc., you will lose your partner
    eventually.

    Since freedom is the biggest among human desires,
    once your spouse feels lack of personal freedom. They
    will definitely walk away from your marriage.


(3) Never Think of Your Marriage a Deal Done. -- Regardless
    of how great your marriage works at the beginning, it
    will need constant maintenance. Being a factor of
    success yourself, you should NEVER stop evaluating
    your own performance in marriage.
   
    This is a huge problem. Not knowing where my marriage
    is at, I will put myself in a definite trap.--
    Frankly, this is nothing you haven't done before.

    We are the nation of comparing (prizes), analyzing
    (economy growth), checking for the best deals (on the
    market), re-assessing our computers’ performance. But
    we never think of the necessity to quantify our own
    marriage.

    Let me tell you what will really happen now...
   
    If you continue your old ways of thinking " My marriage
    is fine even though there IS a little problem here,
    a little problem there," and you will not bother to
    analyze WHY, you will end up with a quite a bit of chaos
    shortly.

    Not only you will be regretting that you had neglected
    the quantification itself, you might end up regretting
    having lost your marriage stability and facing
    disconnection where close connection should be.


(4) Never Underestimate the Power of Time. -- No matter
    how long you have been married, your risks are the same.
    CHALLENGE the time. You should NOT wait until things
    happen.

    It means that if you let time erosion work on your
    marriage, your relationship will most likely be just
    in survival mode. Problems will accumulate and you
    will feel frustrated.

    We like to be at ease, comfortable, and lazy

    -> having money doing nothing,
    -> having a perfect marriage doing nothing.
    -> having perfect health doing nothing.
    -> having peace of mind doing nothing
       
    Unfortunately, your toughest problems will add up
    on your shoulder even tougher.-- Do not wait until
    your marriage is in the rut.

    Yet, if you DO Wait...

    Your accumulated problems will overwhelm you. The
    process of saving your marriage will be painful and
    longer.

    You will be facing situations that you could have had
    resolved years ago without much ado. Be also mindful
    that it might not be too late to solve a certain kind
    of emotional problems.


(5) Never Accept Mediocrity. -- Your relation with your
    spouse should NOT experience mediocrity as a routine.

    This is a relationship killer. Your spouse needs to be
    challenged in a playful mode on a planned basis. We all
    like to be nicely surprised, right?  with delightful
    home made meals, piece of fancy undergarment, invite
    to our favorite show or just spending time together
    walking and observing your surroundings.

    If your spouse is not challenged by you, he or she
    will look for new ways out of your marriage. Don't
    blame him (or) her. It's part of human nature -- And
    trust me in this --

               "Spouses MUST be Entertained."

    There is so much of entertainment out there behind
    your house door. (or) they say - in bed.

    However...
  
    If you think you do not have time to entertain your
    spouse, he or she will not find time to entertain you,
    on their end. Your marriage will be considered a big
    box of just dull daily duties.

    If you are not able to create fun in your marriage,
    it means that you give up on excitements and emotions
    attractions that FUN brings to your spouse and
    yourself.
   
As you have understood on that, NURTURING is much more
powerful than your natural reaction on dealing with
the marriage., it is important for you to start applying
these powerful skills into your daily life.

At the same time, it is very important that you gauge
the process every three days. See it for yourself how it
changed the reaction from your spouse. It also means that
IF there are other factors you need to work on, make sure
you apply that slowly to make sure that it comes out
naturally. It is that simple. :-)

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