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Want a Lasting Marriage? Get Back to the Basics - part 5

We're looking at "the basics" of creating a lasting, solid marriage over time. This is the fifth post in my Hitched series on premarital tips for married couples who either never learned - or have forgotten how to keep the foundation under their "marriage house" as strong as possible.

5 ) Identify Problematic Family of Origin Issues: Sometimes, couples play out relationship dynamics they learned from their parents, and in some cases the lessons learned aren't helpful and in fact can be detrimental to your marriage. If iit's something you've never considered, ponder the following:

  • What did you and your spouse learn about marriage from your own parents?
  • Were there any unhelpful messages directly - or indirectly - sent to either of you as children about what relationships look like?
  • Did you learn it's safe for people to rely on each other in intimate partnerships?

There are numerous ways family of origin issues can play out in marriages. Many lessons learned are quite helpful, loving and relationship affirming. But sometimes they are not and if there's anything potentially being carried forth into your marriage it might be helpful to identify - and work on this either together in dialogue or in counseling if need be.

See the rest of this series:


Lisa Brookes Kift is a Marriage and Family Therapist and author of The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples, a cost effective, do-it-yourself, therapist-guided alternative to couples counseling. Follow Lisa on Twitter or Facebook.

Lisa's therapy practice is located in Marin County, California. Learn more about her work with individuals and couples at

Other articles and blog posts by Lisa Brookes MFT on Hitched:

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