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Want a Lasting Marriage? Get Back to the Basics - part 3

We're talking about how to "get back to the basics" around creating a lasting, solid marriage over time. This is the third post in my Hitched series on premarital tips for married couples who either never learned - or have forgotten how to keep the foundation under their "marriage house" as strong as possible. They are the guide posts I describe in The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples, a workbook for married couples to do together to help bridge the gap between them.

3 ) Increase Your Emotional Safety: How securely attached are you to your partner? If you're not initially very sure about the answer to this question, one way to figure it out is to evaluate how "emotionally safe" you feel together.

  • Is there respect between you?
  • Is there trust between you?
  • Do you both feel prioritized by each other?
  • Do you both feel heard by each other?
  • Do you both feel validated by each other?
  • Are you both able to express empathy towards each other?
  • Do you both feel loved by each other?

Most couples who come to see me for counseling have low levels of emotional safety - and it's something to begin working on right away. This often means adjusting communication patterns, identifying triggers, examining unhelpful cycles and basically recalibrating your relationship in a way that you both feel comfortable, attached and "emotionally safe" in the marriage. The above aspects of emotional safety are all important considerations in the strength of your relationship foundation.

See the rest of this series:

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Lisa Brookes Kift is a Marriage and Family Therapist and author of The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples, a cost effective, do-it-yourself, therapist-guided alternative to couples counseling. Follow Lisa on Twitter or Facebook.

Lisa's therapy practice is located in Marin County, California. Learn more about her work with individuals and couples at www.MarinTherapyandCounseling.com.

Lisa's other articles and blog posts on Hitched:

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