Want a Lasting Marriage? Get Back to the Basics

If you're married and didn't get any kind of premarital education - you're not alone. Though many know of the benefits, when you're in the honymoon phase of your relationship it's pretty easy to think you won't be one of the statistics. If you're married, you likely have some idea that married life isn't necessarily as easy as you might have thought it would be. Though incredibly rewarding much of the time, the reality is there are ups and downs as you navigate through life together with your partner.

The good news is - it's never too late to get back to the basics. This is the first in a series I'll do on premarital tips for married couples who either never learned or have forgotten how to keep the foundation under their "marriage house" as strong as possible. They are the guide posts I describe in The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples, a workbook for married couples to do together to help bridge the gap between them.

1. Remember why you married in the first place. When things seem distant in your marriage, it's easy to forget how you fell in love with your spouse in the first place! When I work with couples, at some point I ask them to recall this time period - one that may seem like a distant memory if communication has deteriorated and resentment has built up. Bringing them back is often helpful to ignite a glimmer of remembering of this powerfully connecting, loving time when they chose each other. If you and your spouse are feeling disconnected, spend an evening remembering back "when." Take a walk down memory lane. Even if things are great in your marriage, this can be a fun exercise to do together.

Check back next week for the second step in "getting back to the basics" of creating a lasting marriage...

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Lisa Brookes Kift is a Marriage and Family Therapist and author of The Marriage Refresher Course Workbook for Couples, a cost effective, do-it-yourself, therapist-guided alternative to couples counseling. Follow Lisa on Twitter or Facebook.

Lisa's other articles and blog posts on Hitched:

• Communication Challenge: How Well do You and Your Spouse Listen to ...
• Affair Recovery Tip: Allow for Transparency
• Get Onboard with Some of Your Partner's Interests
• Hug Your Partner. Increase Oxytocin. Feel Loved.
• Sustaining Healthy Relationships - 5 Tips
• 10 Qualities of Great Marriages
• 5 Signs You Don't Fight Fair in Your Marriage