Stop Your Divorce with the The Last Resort Technique

How to Prevent a Divorce - The Last Resort Technique

If your spouse told you it's over, it doesn't necessarily nail the marital coffin shut. There are still things you can do to revive your flat-lined relationship. One thing you should consider is The Last Resort Technique. The Last resort Technique is exactly what it says it is. You use it as a last resort. In theory, this technique is identical to doing a 180, but you put it to use when your situation is extreme. What do I mean by extreme? It's imperative that you begin doing the last-resort technique immediately if:

Your spouse has said to you in no uncertain terms that s/he wants to get a divorce and it appears as if s/he really means it. It wasn't just said in the heat of battle.
You and your spouse are separated physically.
You and your spouse still live together but have very little to do with each other. You may be sleeping in separate rooms, have virtually no communication, and little or no sexual contact.
Your spouse has filed for divorce

Although it's true that many marriages do end in divorce, just because your marriage is really fragile right now doesn't mean you have to become a statistic. There are many people who beat the odds. Don't feel hopeless. I will give you specific instructions about what you should do to try to get things back on track. Although the last-resort technique doesn't always work, it works often enough for you to be eager to give it a shot. I have worked with many clients and have received many letters, phone calls, and e-mails from people whose relationships were on the their marital death beds but were successful at turning things around by using the last-resort technique.

Step 1 - Stop the Chase

First, you need to stop doing anything that your spouse might look at as pursuing behavior. Here are some examples of behavior that I would consider "pursuing."

Frequent phone calls
Begging your spouse to reconsider
Pointing out all the good in your marriage
Writing letters
Following your mate around the house
Encouraging talk about the future
Soliciting help from family members
Asking for reassurances
Buying gifts/flowers
Trying to schedule dates together
Spying on your spouse

In addition, it is essential that you stop saying, "I love you." I know this will be hard. But remember what I told you. Each time you say, "I love you," you remind your spouse that the feelings of love aren't reciprocal at the moment. My guess is that every time you say, "I love you," your spouse says, "I know, " or remains silent. Not exactly reassuring, is it?

Step 2 - Get a Life

I've worked with enough couples in this situation to know that when you feel desperate, you get clingy and depressed. You cry a lot, mope around, lose interest in things, and basically become a blob. Understand that this is perfectly normal. Losing someone you love and watching your family fall apart are definitely the most painful things you can ever experience. However, the end result - your desperateness - is not exactly attractive. In fact, it's very unattractive. And when you consider that you are competing with your spouse's fantasy of an ideal life without problems, or perhaps even a real-life affair, you'd better pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get yourself together! You need to act as if you are moving on with your life. Otherwise, you don't stand a fighting chance.

You're probably asking yourself, "How do I become more cheerful, strong, outgoing, or attractive when I feel like crap?" That's a good question. The reason you are feeling as crappy as you are right now is because you are living through some really tough circumstances. You are reacting as any normal person would. But, and this is the big but, this isn't the real you. You are much stronger and more confident deep down inside, aren't you?

Stop for a minute and ask yourself, "what was it about me that attracted my spouse to me in the first place?" Think of all your wonderful traits. Well, the person your spouse fell in love with is the "real you." You're acting differently right now because you're going through hell, not because you've changed radically as a person. Don't forget that.

I'm not asking you to put on an act. I'm just asking you to remember who you really are. You need to stop acting as if you're a victim because if you act the victim, you'll become the victim. Any self-defense instructor will tell you that the worst possible thing to do in a tense situation is to signal to a potential attacker that you believe you are helpless.

Focus on making yourself a better person. If you've stopped going to church or synagogue, go back. If you've been wanting to take a new class, go for it. Think about some old friends you haven't contacted in a while. Pick up the phone and connect. Go visit a family member. Watch a sunset. Read poetry. Count leaves. Play golf. Go fishing. Do something that will put you back in touch with you, not just because your spouse might like you more if you do, but because it's important to feel centered and love yourself. You deserve it. I know you do.

Step 3 - Wait and Watch

One of three things happens when you use the last-resort technique.

1) Nothing.

Unfortunately, there are times when, no matter what you do, your spouse has firmly shut the door on your marriage. I tell you this because I don't want you to think that this is a magic bullet. It isn't. However, even if your marriage doesn't improve when you do the last resort technique, your mental health will. I promise you. So many people have thanked me for suggesting this technique because it gave them back their dignity. They felt so lost and out of control prior to employing this method. With your self-esteem in place, you will feel more prepared to take on whatever comes your way. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but since it is a possibility, you should know about it. Having said that, you should also know that there are two other responses you might observe in your spouse.

2) Your mate becomes curious.

S/he might start showing more interest in you, your whereabouts, and what you are up to in your life. Your spouse might even suggest you spend some time together to talk or do something enjoyable. It's also possible that your spouse might start asking you a lot of questions about your sudden changes. If any of these things begin to happen, here's my advice:

Be loving in return, but not overly excited or enthusiastic.
Accept some invitations to spend time together, but not all.
Do not ask any questions about your future together.
Be vague when asked questions about the changes in you. Say that you are just thinking things through.
Continue to be upbeat.
Do not say, "I love you"
Resist getting into conversations about your marriage.
Beat your spouse to the punch when it comes time to leave or separate from each other at the end of an activity. You set the tone for going your separate ways.

The general rule of thumb here is to be responsive to your partners new interest, but not too responsive. If you go overboard, your partner will get cold feet. I've seen it happen many times before. If you are excited that the last-resort technique is working, share it with a friend, write it in your journal, go for a run around the block, but don't wear your emotions on your sleeve.

You need to stay interested, but cool, until you are absolutely convinced that your spouse's renewed interest in saving your marriage has taken hold. Once you feel absolutely sure that this is so, you can test the waters by becoming more obvious about your desire to stay together. You can try discussing your future together and see what happens. If your spouse is receptive, you can continue to move forward slowly and begin to tackle the issues that drove you apart in the first place. If, on the other hand, you're met with reluctance, backpedal just as quickly as you can. Resume your interested but distant stance until things move in a more positive direction. This might take a whole lot longer that you would like, weeks, even months. However, you must be patient. As long as your spouse seems to be somewhat interested rather than pulling away, it's okay for your marriage to be in a holding pattern. It will try your patience, but what else do you have to do right now that could be as important as trying to save your marriage? Be patient.

3) Your spouse might have an overnight change of heart.

That is, s/he might want to abandon any thought of divorce and jump right back into things as if nothing had ever happened. This third possibility is the least likely, but it does happen occasionally. I have some advice for you if this does happen. Don't move too quickly! It's really important to pace yourselves. If you act as if nothing had happened between you, it's only a matter of time before your spouse will have second thoughts about the decision. You didn't get to this place of disharmony overnight and, as much as you'd like to forget that it had ever happened, you probably won't get things back on track overnight. So if you've been separated, don't jump right into being together again. If you've been emotionally miles apart, don't spend every waking minute at each other's sides and don't abandon all of your other interests. You have to back into your marriage cautiously. If you don't, and really deal with the problematic issues before you recommit, you might find yourselves in the same situation a few weeks or months down the road.

As you do the Last Resort Technique, it might be useful to keep a solutions journal. Keep track of any and all changes you see in your spouse or your marriage. And remember, you should look for small signs of change. This might include a spouse who is a little more talkative than before, or one who emails you for the first time in months, even if the email is mundane in content. If you are living under the same roof, a small change might consist of your spouse spending time in the same room as you when in the past. s/he has avoided your presence.

Keep your eyes open and be patient. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results. And if you need help sorting things out along the way, call our office to speak to a coach.

Michele Weiner Davis is the creator of the Divorce Busting Centers, learn more on how you can solve marriage problems and stop divorce. Follow me on Twitter @divorcebusting, add my Divorce Busting Facebook Page, and subscribe to the Divorce Busting YouTube Videos for more advice and upcoming marriage saving events.

4 members like this

Comment by melisacole on November 11, 2015 at 6:14pm: I never knew people still have powers and make things happened. My husband left me for another woman three months ago and ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom i have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called Dr Kala of (kalalovespell@gmail.com) that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 2 days my husband called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through.He came back to me and now we are happy together. I still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable. Thank you Dr Kala for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address: KALALOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM or you can call and whatsapp him on +2347051705853

Comment by melisacole on November 11, 2015 at 6:15pm: I never knew people still have powers and make things happened. My husband left me for another woman three months ago and ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom i have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called Dr Kala of (kalalovespell@gmail.com) that he can bring back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 2 days my husband called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through.He came back to me and now we are happy together. I still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable. Thank you Dr Kala for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address: KALALOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM or you can call and whatsapp him on +2347051705853

Comment by kayla marrie on December 9, 2015 at 2:38pm: I want to thank Dr.Kasee for getting my lover back to me within 48hours.When my lover left me i was so tired and frustrated till i search the internet for help and i saw so many good talk about Dr Kasee of onimalovespell@gmail.com and i decided to give him a try and i contact him and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get my husband back.If you want to get your lover back contact Dr.Kasee via email: onimalovespell@gmail.com Dr.Kasee the great man that is able to bring back lost love.

Comment by Tatiana Philip on May 25, 2016 at 5:05am: Hello everyone i want to share a live testimony on how Dr Kala bring my husband back to me, myself and my husband were on a serious breakup, even before then we were always quarreling, fighting and doing different ungodly act..My husband packed his things out of the house and we had to live in different area, despite all this i was looking for a way to re_unite with my husband, not until i met Dr Kala the great spell caster who was able to bring my husband back home, Dr Kala cast a love spell for me, and after 2days i started seen results about the spell....Today my family is back again and we are happy living fine and healthy, with Dr Kala all my dream came through in re_uniting my marriage, friends in case you need the help of Dr Kala kindly mail him on( kalalovespell@gmail.com) Sir i will forever recommend you for what you did for me!! KALALOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM

Comment by Brown Anan on June 30, 2016 at 2:38pm: MY name is kapil weafer, I feel very happy to share my great and wonderful testimony with everyone on this site..: I was married for 4 years to my husband and all of a sudden another woman came into the picture he started hating me and he was abusive. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost.... He filed for divorce and my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do, he moved out of the house and abandoned me and the kids... my very close friend told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster so i decided to try it. although i didn't believe in all those things then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2 days, my husband came back and was pleading that he had realized his mistakes I just couldn't believe it, anyway we are back together now and we are happy in case anyone needs help here is his email address [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] His spells is for a better life OR call his number +13019098775

Comment by Brown Anan on June 30, 2016 at 2:39pm: MY name is kapil weafer, I feel very happy to share my great and wonderful testimony with everyone on this site..: I was married for 4 years to my husband and all of a sudden another woman came into the picture he started hating me and he was abusive. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost.... He filed for divorce and my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do, he moved out of the house and abandoned me and the kids... my very close friend told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster so i decided to try it. although i didn't believe in all those things then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2 days, my husband came back and was pleading that he had realized his mistakes I just couldn't believe it, anyway we are back together now and we are happy in case anyone needs help here is his email address [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] His spells is for a better life OR call his number +13019098775

Comment by Brown Anan on June 30, 2016 at 8:37pm: Hello everyone, I am proud to testify this testimony. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try the spell caster that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spell work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise the spell caster Dr uzoya helped me get my husband back,after 5 month of divorce and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised, my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i cannot say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship contact him on his email: [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] OR call his number +13019098775.

Comment by Brown Anan on July 2, 2016 at 2:59am: my name is ANDY from Canada, I want the world to know a great man that is well known as Dr.UZOYA, he has the perfect solution to relationship issues and marriage problems. The main reason why i went to Dr UZOYA was for solution on how i can get my wife back because in recent times i have read some testimonies on the Internet which some people has written about Dr UZOYA and i was so pleased and i decided to seek for assistance from him on his email [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] which he did a perfect job by casting a love spell on my wife which made her to come back to me and beg for forgiveness.I will not stop publishing his name on the net because of the good work he is doing. I will drop his contact for the usefulness of those that needs his help should contact him via email [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] You can contact him today and get your problem solved.Call him on +13019098775

Comment by Brown Anan on July 7, 2016 at 2:50pm: I was very confuse when my husband that i married 11 years ago told me he needs a divorce simply because he fell in love with a lady she met in the bank, she took all her belongings and left my house even when i plead with him not to go but he insisted and left. It wasn't easy at all for me because i was in pain and couldn't go to work or even eat, i did many research on the internet when i came across some beautiful testimony people shared about Doctor UZOYA so i quickly contacted him and told him my story, I never knew Doctor UZOYA could be so nice, he told me that my husband will come back to me within 24 hours and every thing happened just as he said and then i concluded that i have found a God on Earth and i will continues to testify about him till Christ comes.u can contact him if u need any help: [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] OR call him direct on +13019098775. thank u so much Dr,UZOYA

Comment by Brown Anan on July 24, 2016 at 1:28am: I want to use this medium to thank Dr UZOYA for helping me to get back my lover after she left me and the kids for 5 months to suffer.When she left,she told me that she don't love me again and she has found another man which she loved.I cry everyday because i love her so much and i decide to go the net for help when i saw a lady’s post of how Dr UZOYA help her to get her husband back who divorced her and i just say to myself let me give this Dr UZOYA a try and indeed he is wonderful he help me to get my lover back within 2days and my lover return to me and promise to love me forever and beg me for the pain she cost me. I will forever be grateful to you Dr UZOYA, and i will not stop to publish your name on the internet for people to see because you are so great.You can email him at [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] OR call his telephone number on +13019098775 and he will also save your marriage.

Comment

You need to be a member of Married Life from Hitched - Social network for married couples to add comments!

Join Married Life from Hitched - Social network for married couples

‹ Previous
1
2
3
…
5
Next ›

RSS

Welcome to
Married Life from Hitched - Social network for married couples

Sign Up
or Sign In

Or sign in with:

Hitched Podcast

Episode 535: Becoming The Partner You Want Your Partner to Be

What you do in your relationship will have a direct impact on how your partner reciprocates. Psychotherapist, , explains how if we want change we need to change ourselves.

More…

Badges | Report an Issue | Terms of Service