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Dear Dr. Trina
I cheated on my husband and don’t know whether I should tell him. I think it’s better to not say anything and let it be water under the bridge.
Cheater Still in Love

Dear Cheater Still in Love,
In the short term not telling would seem like the best solution: don’t ask, don’t tell and everything stays status quo. However, in the long term your relationship will get complicated and you will never shake that niggling guilt.

Why did you cheat?
People cheat for a variety of reasons. Rarely is an affair about the sex: there is usually something lacking, or needs to be fixed within the relationship.

How long did your affair last?
There is a difference between a (possibly drunken) one nighter and a three month affair. So was your tryst long-term, as opposed to a one night stand? This will show how emotionally attached are you to this other person.

How cheating affects your relationship
Cheating disrupts intimacy and the lie—or the omission of what has happened—will erect barriers. Your partner may sense a distancing without being able to recognize what it is.

Time to fess up
You have committed a crime and whether or not your partner discovers the truth, you are guilty of undermining the integrity of your relationship. Not telling means there will never be complete trust between you two.

The Last Word on Cheating
To enjoy the toe-curling sex that comes with honesty, you must tell your husband what you've done and then ask for his forgiveness. There is no guarantee your relationship will survive; yet you will ultimately find peace knowing you have done the right thing.


Relationship and sexual health expert, Dr. Trina E. Read, helps couples have fun and meaningful sex. She is a best selling author, syndicated blogger, media expert, magazine columnist, and award winning international speaker. Sign up for your free monthly newsletter.  Follow Dr. Trina on Twitter.

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