Marriage therapists estimate as many as 20 percent of couples are in a low-sex or sexless marriage in the USA. To my surprise, often enough it's the men, heterosexual men, who don't want sex with their spouse.
How many times do you hear about a woman complaining about her sexless marriage? Not So Much. For most women it's very hard to talk about their husband not wanting to be intimate with them anymore. Women tend to take this personally and think that there is something wrong with them instead of talking about it openly and get help.
What Are The Possible Reasons For Your Husband's Low Sex Drive?
The first thing you should remind yourself over and over is that NOTHING is wrong with YOU. It's not because you gained a few pounds, it's not because you don't like sex toys, and it's not because of who you are. Got it? Say it again. These are the possible reasons for your husband not wanting sex:
Men's ego is strongly tied to his sex drive. And his ego is strongly tied to his financial and work situation. A man can easily become depressed and lose his sex drive if he has troubles at work, or has lost his job or not being able to provide for his family. This is a common situation is America and especially now.
If your husband is clinically depressed and taking medication to treat it, many times the medication itself causes low sex drive and losing interest in intimacy.
Unfortunately, when a man suddenly doesn't want sex anymore he could be having an affair. This happens usually very quickly and suddenly and not as a process. If you have a gut feeling that he is cheating and you noticed that he stopped initiating intimate relations with you, he definitely could be having an affair.
There are ways to find out if he is cheating, without spending a lot of money for private detectives. You can find out simply by checking his credit card activity. You can learn how to do that and what to look for in this article.
If you don't suspect an affair and your relationship seems to be as strong as ever (he is still affectionate, loving, touching etc…) there may be an undiagnosed medical condition that causes his low sex drive. These problems could be diabetes, anxiety and panic disorder, stress, low testosterone levels, heart problems, Parkinson's, anemia, hypothyroidism, neurological disorders, chronic pain, arthritis and more.
4. Unresolved Marriage Conflicts
A man's libido is strongly affected by his wife's "moodiness". If you have marital problems and you fight a lot, or he comes home everyday and finds you angry again, or upset all the time – It turns off his attraction to you. Again, this is not your fault. You are probably upset because you have a good reason to be upset – and the only way to solve this is to work on your marriage together and get professional help.
If marriage counseling is too expensive (it costs at least 300$ for a session usually), there are plenty of excellent alternatives that will be equally helpful but will not drain your bank account. Some of these alternatives are online marriage counseling and online marriage saving e-courses, written by experienced family therapists.
5. More Specific Low Libido causes
These are some more reasons that could contribute to your husband's low libido: A desire to control or punish you, a way to have power over you, anger, past sexual abuse, working long hours, working too hard and working long hours, drug consumption.
Don't Ignore the Problem
Sex is a critical part in a lasting relationship. Ignoring sexless marriage will not resolve the problem and it will not go away on its own. Remember, you are not the only woman suffering from a low sex marriage and there is no reason to feel unwanted and unloved. The best solution for this problem is professional help and marriage counseling – whether it is face to face or online counseling - as long as you get up and Do Something Right Now!
A good place to find out how to save your marriage is right here.
Rooting for ya