When you first found out that your spouse had an affair, the sense of betrayal can be almost unbearable. In a single moment, you were ripped from a life you have counted on and felt safe in. Your marriage and family was a foundation for your life. Could it really be gone now? What can you possibly do?
More than every thing, you just want it to go away. You want to restore the life that you knew, that you thought was safe, with the one you love. But how can you deal with the disappointment, the jealousy, the anger, the shock, the fear, the frustration and how do you pull out the knife that was stuck in your back?
These are the Five Most Common Shockwaves You Have to Struggle With:
There are two steps to deal with this question. The first one is to cry it out. Let the tears run wild, feel sorry for yourself and allow the grief to take over. But just for a while. When the tears subside, take a deep breath and go to the second step.
The second step is to actually try an answer this question by yourself. How did it happen? What were the events that lead to the infidelity in your marriage?
In this sense the question is incredibly important.
After the initial shock, you may start to feel foolish. How could I be so blind and not know that dear husband is cheating? You feel like you’ve been like a “sucker”. Deceived and utterly betrayed.
If you feel like a dope for being lied to so “easily”, you are being too hard on yourself. It doesn’t say anything about your character and it has nothing to do with your intelligence.
An affair is a result of a long process. It’s hard to notice every little sign that an affair is about to happen and sometimes we just really don’t want to see the signs. We push away the concerns and suspicions because it’s the last thing we want to deal with.
If the betrayal is not enough, you may feel even more betrayed if you find out that other people knew about his affair before you did, and never told you. It’s normal to feel this way, but right now you have to remember that this crisis is between you and your spouse, not between you and them. After that, try to give them the benefit of the doubt until you hear their explanation.
It’s a very reasonable question. He has broken your trust and trust can not be restored once it’s broken, right?
Wrong. The truth is that you CAN trust again, if your spouse can learn to be totally transparent, trustworthy and demonstrate his willingness by showing you in other ways that he deserves your trust. But this is a process that involves some critical steps and in my opinion – Not something that the both of you can do without professional help.
If this is the hardest part in your journey to survive an affair – I highly recommend this guide to get you through it and achieve a better better relationship than ever.
No and no. I’m saying this assuming that your spouse hasn’t picked up his things and left. That he chose and keeps choosing you every day ever since this happened. That he insists he wants to solve this.
Your marriage or relationship isn’t over if you don’t want it to be. In fact, I’m a living proof that you can save your relationship and even have a better one than ever, if you take advantage of this crisis and rebuild the honesty and the love – The right way.
No, you are NOT a doormat if you choose to stay with him. You are not a sucker and you are not making a mistake, and don’t let anyone poison you with these negative feelings.
But, and I can’t emphasize this enough, don’t try to do this on your own.
So many people attempt to survive an affair without some kind of professional help only to find themselves stuck in a vicious circle of anger, resentment, negative emotions and mistrust.
First you have to start with individual healing – Understanding personal healing and sorting through your emotions (betrayal. disappointment, vengefulness, fear, paranoia, anger).
The second step is healing as a couple – Working together to identify and resolve key issues in your relationship.
The third step is negotiating a renewed relationship – How to rebuild and sustain a new, loving, trust filled partnership.
You can find exactly how to do all of this – In this excellent guide and workbook.
I know you don’t believe me right now, but it is possible to put these painful emotions behind you. It’s somewhat sad, but the truth is you have to come in contact with these feelings and explore them (again – the right way) before you can get past them.
But once you accept them, I assure you that you will be in a much better position to cope with them (and win!)