Your spouse is loving, caring and a wonderful mate, but at the same time they have done things in the past that you just can't get over. Doing to them or acting as they acted in the past to make them feel the pain or confusion you felt does not make it alright to do the same. Some may still believe in the ideal an eye for an eye, but what does this solve? Really, does it make it alright to hurt somebody emotionally just because they hurt you? Wouldn't you want them to give you enough respect to not hurt you even if you hurt them. If they hurt you just because you hurt them, you wouldn't like this to be done to you. Nobody ever wants to get hurt and yet we hurt the ones we love every day without thinking. Why? Life is hard enough without making things more difficult and there is always a choice to be made. Acting without any type of forethought is one of the most common "disabilities", I consider this a handicap and I'm not being judgmental. Narcissism is what I believe to be the cause of this along with most problems today and is the main problems in society. Everyone is important as an individual and should love themselves as so, but when it comes down to doing for others there is no compassion any more. I have always believed in the statement "Do unto others as you wish to be done unto yourself", but this doesn't work if reversed. What is done unto you is not an excuse to do something unto others.