“Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Communication in marriage is the doorway to mutual understanding. Without it, even the most loving couples will end up apart.
Do you communicate with strangers better than you do with your husband? You might be unconsciously jeopardizing your marriage.
Long term relationships have many bonuses. One of them is comfort. We tend to feel relaxed and at ease with those we love (and that love us).
We feel free to slouch on the sofa in our underwear, feel free to have a bad hair day and we feel free to be who are. Where else if not at home?
But we also feel free to display an uglier behavior than we do in public. We allow ourselves to say and do things that we would NEVER do in the presence of our friends or even strangers.
Just see these 3 examples of common daily situations to realize how you could be treating everyone else better than your husband:
1. Would you say “that’s stupid” to a stranger that doesn’t share your opinion about something?
Instead, you would say something like” I don’t agree with you, because…”
How many times have you responded with “that’s stupid” or “shut up” or even name calling during a disagreement with your husband?
2. Would you roll your eyes in your best friend’s face when she displays one of her little annoying habits?
I don’t think so. You may roll your eyes but you’ll make sure she doesn’t see you.
How many times have you sighed and rolled your eyes when your husband asked you (again) where he can find his work socks?
3. Would you have a fit of anger and make a scene if your neighbor was late to pick up her kid from your house AGAIN? Would you scream at her and tell her exactly what you think of her and how you are sick of this selfish behavior?
Instead you will do your best to calmly ask her to try to not be late again, half apologizing for saying anything and remaining perfectly polite.
(Read: 4 Reasons you Can't Get Your Husband to Talk to You)
How many times did you burst in rage when your husband forgot to take out the trash again? Not stopping for a second to filter hurtful remarks and offensive gestures?
Many of us just don’t realize how poorly we behave with the person we profess to love. We feel relaxed with them and therefore forget to behave.
One thing to be aware of is your non‐verbal communication style. Practicing self‐awareness in your interactions with your man can help you sniff out any of your behaviors which are hurting your relationship.
Turn the charm on, the way you do with people who don’t even know you.
Women forget about their powerful ability to get ANYTHING they want, just by turning on the charm with their man (the way they do with their friends and colleagues…)
1. What if you decided to make your man feel good by telling him only good things that you like about him, rather than focusing on the negative?
2. Come up with a list of 5 things that you really like about him—and remind him of each one this week to see how it lights up his face.
3. If he criticizes you and use hurtful words, do not retaliate. Answer him politely, the way you would answer a criticizing colleague at work.
4. The next time you are angry, before you react, practice mindfulness to understand what’s really upsetting you. Count to ten and pinpoint what provoked your anger:
Are you tired? Overworked? Stressed out about money, or a health situation?
Instead of taking out your anger on your partner (and hey, we all do that), you can explain: “I’m not in a very good mood right now, because I had a run in with my boss and it really made me feel unappreciated.
I need a little time this evening to cool down and relax—don’t take it personally.”
It’s critical that you become an EXPERT in communication in marriage – If you want an intimate, loving and faithful marriage.
NEXT: Read why marriage communication is like honey and vinegar - HERE.