I am Cory Honickman and I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and Marriage Planner from Hollywood California. I work with professionals, celebs, housewives and executives to have all that they desire in their marriage and relationships. Each one of my posts will consist of a real issue that I have been confronted with by one of my clients. Of course names will be changed for confidentiality reasons. I look forward to comments, questions and/or feedback that you may have for me! So lets get started on our first case study entitled "My Fiance Wants Green..YUCK!"
During a session with one of my clients, she blurts out to me "He wants GREEN!" I had no idea what she was talking about, but she proceeded to tell me how happy she originally was when her fiance seemed to be very enthusiatic about being involved in their wedding planning. He wasn't like "those other men" who wanted nothing to do with the wedding. Nope! He was all into it. He came to the cake tasting, he shopped for registry gifts, he even went to the salon with her to test out hairdo's. My client (we'll call her Cheryl) was extatic! She bragged to all her friends about how wonderful her man was and it felt AMAZING... Then he hit her with it. They were at the party venue when the wedding planner was giving suggestions for decoration when he whispered in her ear and said "Do they have green flowers?" Cheryl looked at her fiance with a scrunched forehead and crooked smile. "What do you mean do they have green flowers?" See, Cheryls husband was Irish... First generation American. He was really into all the traditional Irish things like having a good time, drinking Guiness and of course St. patty's Day...and he LOOOVVVEEEDDD green. It was his favorite color and he wanted it in Cheryl’s wedding. That's the way she saw it anyway...it was her wedding and he was not supposed to have any wants when it came to it. Cheryl and her fiancé ended up fighting all night about the green flowers and it really interfered with how wonderful the wedding planning was going. I let Cheryl know that it was a good thing she brought this up to me because I knew that she did not want flowers to ruin her relationship. Cheryl and I reexamined the situation and how wonderful her fiancé had been with the wedding planning and how much he contributed to her life. After an hour conversation, Cheryl agreed that she should let him have the flowers and he would let her have the man of her dreams.
In the end, it was Cheryl’s ability to focus on the strengths that her fiancé brought to the relationship that empowered her to move forward happily. Always remember, if you want to be happy in your Marriage, you should use this ratio. It’s one quarter.. One percent of the time you replay and analyze things you want to improve in your marriage and the rest of the time you spend accentuating the positives and putting your energy toward the things you appreciate and admire about your partner and the things you love about your life. That old song by Johny Mercer and Harold Arlen comes to mine…”You g-o-t-t-a a-c-c-e-n-t-u-a-t-e t-h-e p-o-s-I-t-I-v-e-s…e-l-I-m-I-n-a-t-e the negatives, l-a-t-c-h on to the affirmative…” and most importantly...”Don’t mess with Mr. In Between :o) We’ll get in to the in between next post! Until Then!!!