Money. Money is a hot topic in many relationships as there are intense emotions attached to money as well as a range of meaning around it. Partners have different ideas about the importance of money, what it means to them, its purpose, its role, how to manage it, and even how to earn it! Couples are made up of two individuals that have different backgrounds, exposure, experience and relationship with money. Their parents had different relationships with money and gave them different messages around money. Partners form different patterns and habits in their management of money. They have unique money blueprints. And, it is said that money = power. This usually plays out that whoever makes or brings the most money into the relationship wields the scepter… It is not unimaginable that conflicts are likely to abound.
All this creates complex dynamics in the relationship where money issues can play a significant role in interactions and have a negative impact on the couple and the relationship. Understanding where each partner stands in regards to money without judgment is very important. Exploring each other’s money blueprints and how they came about is a wonderful first step in getting on the same page with your partner. This level of knowing and getting each other forms a bond that gives strength and resourcefulness for the couple to start addressing their money issues and situation differently.
As you start the exploration you might first encounter feelings of worry, anxiety, panic, and anger. Keep dialoguing and exploring until you tap into the vulnerable feelings. Listen for hidden or spoken feelings of fear, desperation, insecurity, loneliness, rejection, hopelessness, doom, betrayal, and other feelings that are familiar to each of you. Become aware of your and your partner’s vulnerable emotions attached to money and money matters. This process moves you from a place of reactivity to a place of awareness. This moves you from being jumpy and edgy to feeling calmer. With a new found awareness you can tap into your resources and start figuring out how to meet your needs – address the vulnerable feelings – which can be met relationally…
When you have a handle on your emotions, stop triggering each other and get on the same page you are better equipped to manage the practical side of your affairs. Get resourceful and start securing your future!