If you are feeling stuck in your relationship, resentful, cranky, and easily annoyed by your partner, your relationship lens might be a bit smudged… Partners have a tendency to blame their partner for the status of the relationship and how unsatisfied and unhappy they might be… They tend to point fingers, get finicky and demanding or withdrawn and disengaged, and critical of their partner and their ways. Feeling stuck is usually a relationship mindset issue…
What is relationship mindset? Relationship mindset has to do with how you look at your partner and your relationship, what your beliefs are about how partners and relationships should be…
Couples usually have strange ideas of what’s appropriate, expected and required in a relationship and from their partner. They might have very rigid or loose expectations, parameters and desires. And, they might not actually be aware of these, and never mind having them be known to their partner.
This creates unspoken expectations, needs and desires for each partner that the other might not have any clue about. How are they to do right by their partner?
To make matters worse, partners love to be in each other’s Circles, in the other’s business or personal domain... They love to tell each other how to think, feel and behave… When partners impinge on the other’s circle they are not minding their own and are crowding the other’s. This is disempowering to both creating impasses and stuckness…
Between having a messy view of how relationships should be and not having great personal boundary setting skills, the partners set themselves up for disillusion, disappointment and drama.
This work is related to Element 1 of our Successful Couple Strategy™.
Relationship Enrichment Mindset
The Relationship Enrichment Mindset™ has to do with:
Setting Effective Boundaries
Setting effective boundaries has to do with:
Some of them might seem to you farfetched or impossible to implement. I promise that they are all extremely possible and easy to take on, and life and relationship transforming once embraced.
Our couples love the concept of the circles. They find this has been the easiest way for them to learn how to fully own themselves and not their partner… And the easiest way to implement setting effective boundaries.
The boundary setting is on and for us, not our partner… People have the misconception that we set boundaries on others. This is a ludicrous concept as we can’t make others do things and be a certain way!
How are we to implement what others do and effect how they are? It doesn’t even make any sense. And, furthermore, people are taught to apply consequences to others when they cross their boundaries. Let’s think about this for a minute. How do we set a boundary on somebody, and who are we to give them consequences, or worse punish them?
Can you imagine your partner punishing you because you crossed a boundary they set on you?!
This is such a backwards way of looking at boundary setting, not for nothing most people are not great at setting them. Intuitively they know these is the wrong approach.
We don’t set boundaries on others, we don’t give them consequences or doll out punishment…
Aside from the prescription above, the way to set boundaries is to speak from our circle, to make our wishes and desires known and to make mindful and appropriate requests accordingly. Then we decide what we’ll do should the other not respect our wishes, honor our desires, respond to our requests or meet our needs as previously agreed.
You see how much more control and power we have over ourselves and our lives when approaching interactions and situations setting boundaries this way?
Don’t be intimidated about upleveling your relationship mindset and about setting boundaries. Start by taking in the mindset and taking ownership being in your circle and not your partners. You’ll see…
ASSIGNMENT: Take stock of where you can stand to have better boundaries and own yourself more…
1- Make a list of all the areas that need attention and all the people you might need to address…
2- Select one area to tackle and go at it with gusto – implement what you must to own it
3- Select one person you need to address to set better boundaries with them – share what you will no longer accept or do, and what you will do should that thing become an issue again
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS1 – Check out our upcoming Masterclass on June 28th, at 5 pm ET:
You CAN Create the Relationship You Desire with Your Partner!
How to Create a Strong and Loving Relationship
It is common for couples to have ups and downs in their relationship and to struggle from time to time. If you are currently experiencing a rough patch, please know that’s all it is, and things can be turned around again. The relationship can actually become better for it… You can reboot your relationship and create the relationship you desire.
You CAN create a radiant and successful relationship: Break the Impasse. Easily Get on the Same Page. Change Repeating Patterns. Increase Connection, Intimacy and fun. Create a Strong Partnership.
In this Masterclass you’ll learn how to:
Empower yourself and break the impasse by setting effective boundaries, improving ownership and accountability, and shifting to a Relationship Enrichment Mindset
Have safer interactions, have more purposeful and meaningful conversations, and better understand each other by upgrading your communication skills and tools
Stop the looping, the recurring patterns, and having the same old fights in your relationship by understanding how your dynamics work and how to change them
Increase and deepen your connection and intimacy and have more fun with your partner by eliminating the 5 Culprits of Low Desire and establishing Connection Habits
Create a strong partnership and collaboration by embracing a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle with upleveled daily nurturing routines and collaboration systems
Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!
PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!
PS3 – Related Posts:
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com