Do couples have unrealistic expectations about sex?
Do couples have unrealistic expectation about sex -- and how do we deal with those expectations?
We live in a very sexualized society. In the last twenty five years we’ve come to value part of our self worth based on our sexuality and sexiness.
With women’s emancipation the ideal that sex was her wifely duty was tossed. She was given her orgasm and expected to enjoy sex with her sexual encounter—even though her burden was doubled with work and home life. It’s a sad paradox that there is so much expectation on how couples are expected to enjoy sex in order to keep up with the Jone’s.
So, yes, I do believe couples have WAY too many unrealistic expectations around sex. But then again, I’d be out of a job if they didn’t.
It’s important for couples to realize that sex is an ever evolving entity. However, most couples force and keep a static, “we must have sex once a week in order to meet average couple standards”. This works against the relationship in the long run.
We live in a very sexualized society. In the last twenty five years we’ve come to value part of our self worth based on our sexuality and sexiness.
With women’s emancipation the ideal that sex was her wifely duty was tossed. She was given her orgasm and expected to enjoy sex with her sexual encounter—even though her burden was doubled with work and home life. It’s a sad paradox that there is so much expectation on how couples are expected to enjoy sex in order to keep up with the Jone’s.
So, yes, I do believe couples have WAY too many unrealistic expectations around sex. But then again, I’d be out of a job if they didn’t.
It’s important for couples to realize that sex is an ever evolving entity. However, most couples force and keep a static, “we must have sex once a week in order to meet average couple standards”. This works against the relationship in the long run.
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Comment by busyK23 on November 10, 2008 at 4:05pm
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i definitely agree with the expectation thing - there are so many expectations women have to deal with. my husband definitely adds to my stress level with the sex expectation - he has both frequency (typically 3+ times per week) and "variety" demands, and then he gets annoyed if it's been too long since I have come or initiated it. i understand that it's his way of feeling "close" to me and wanted, but it really wears on me. I hate that it's come to feel more like a chore. I have even seriously considered letting him cheat on me so he'll lay off and we can have a better shot of being intimate in non-sexual ways.
Any ideas on how to handle this discrepency of desire would be appreciated in your future blogs.
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Comment by Trina Read on November 12, 2008 at 11:41am
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I wrote a book coming out in January called, Till Sex Do Us Part: Make Your Married Sex Irresistible (Key Porter). It speaks to women on how they can start enjoying sex again.
To be kept in the loop about mybook and other free sex education, sign up at http://www.bestsextipsever.com .
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Comment by Kasi on November 18, 2008 at 4:58pm
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I understand that sometimes it can feel like a chore. When I get to feeling that way, it is usually because I'm overstressed or overwhelmed, and I try to just talk to him about it. When we have talked about the fact that I feel bad that we're not having sex more often, he says he's fine with it, and I'm putting too many silly expectations on myself. I"m not up for the letting him cheat on me, though. I just ask for more non-sexual closeness so that I can feel in the mood. Perhaps I'm just fortunate in that my husband is understanding.
I also try to leave my husband a few hours in the house alone every week or so - he can spend intimate time with himself and I can go do something like catch a movie or something. We both like alone time, AND it gives him a chance to take care of his own need without adding to the stress on me.
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Comment by Bob Thompson on January 18, 2009 at 10:54am -
I am not sure as a couple we have unrealistic expectation about sex, however if the sex is great and the relationship is just ok, are you staying together due to the sex?
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