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Why, when you've been pouring your heart out, tears streaming down your face, does your boyfriend come up with nothing more than "Well, what do you want?" when that's exactly what you've spent the past 2 hours trying to tell him? Why does it feel like you're talking to a post just when you need his love more than anything?

Somewhere in the midst of a terrible argument, you burst into tears and confess your most vulnerable feelings – that secret stuff you've been hiding for so long - and when you're done, it's too awfully quiet, he's not saying a word. You can't stand it, and you sob, "Please, say something, anything!" Finally he blurts out, "Well what do you want from me?” "What do I want?" you wail, "Oh, I can't believe you said that! You haven't heard a word I said! You don't care about me at all!' And off you rush to fling yourself across your bed, weeping over this heartless man.

Well, heartless, maybe – but more likely deafened by your tears. You see, hearing isn't just done with your ears. Hearing is done with your mind. And for a lot of guys, the intensity of your emotion makes it impossible for him to hear your words. He literally can't hear you past your tears. He's too busy trying to deal with all that emotion.

Does this mean you should never cry? Course not – if you're upset, cry. Just don't try to talk at the same time. Wait until your emotions are calm, and then talk about your upset as logically and straightforwardly as you can. Now your mate can give you the attention you deserve, and now you have a chance of truly -– being heard.

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Hitched Podcast

Episode 584: Helping a Sexless Marriage When Spread Too Thin

A toddler, a job, a pandemic... who has time for sex? Dr. Karen Sherman offers advice for a listener who wants to get her sex life back on track with her husband.

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