Married Life from Hitched - Social network for married couples

Why is it as soon as your lover shows signs of independent life, you freak out? What is it about your Significant Other having same-sex friends that makes you nuts?

I’m enjoying the late afternoon sun sipping coffee at an outside terrace, when the couple next to me – young, cool-looking, very hip - start arguing. “I have a life, OK?” the woman is saying, “I have male friends, what’s your problem?” And the guy says, “Nothing, it’s just I don’t think you should be seeing your male friends by yourself that much now that we’re in a relationship.” “Oh, please” she snaps, “what am I supposed to do on the nights we’re not together – stay home alone? I have friends, they just happen to be guys, get over it!” And the guy stares down at his coffee, clearly miserable.

But how do you do it? How do you cope with your lover’s same-sex friends?

By accepting that she  - or he - has them. The more you try to put bars around love, the more love will try to get free. Quit trying to isolate your lover from her friends, thinking you'll make yourself the only important person in her life – that'll just drive her away. Instead, give your lover the freedom to see who she wants, be genuinely interested and curious about her friends rather than resenting them.

And instead of obsessing about losing your sweetheart, practice loving her as she is. Support her dreams and her desires. Learn more about who she is and what’s important to her. Encourage her to be truly herself.

Now you’re really loving your partner, and that love will deepen your relationship so the chances of losing her to someone else – are far less.

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