Time and again the prevalent theme in initial sessions with couples is reactivity, anger, fighting, hopelessness, criticism and lots of pointing fingers. The partners appear to be enemies. The pain is palpable in the room. A real sad state of affairs!
All this noise is just misguided attempts at being heard and understood, getting needs met, getting on the same page, connecting, feeling closeness, love and passion, and experiencing intimacy, joy and peacefulness. This is partners’ grown up version of baby crying to get basic needs met… They are trying real hard to create a Successful and Satisfying Relationship (sm), but what they don’t realize is that their approach is creating more rapture, space, disconnect, and pain.
Their approach is defensive and offensive. It creates a mask that hides their authentic and fabulous selves from each other. It only helps to promote more separateness, dislike and dissatisfaction. Who wants to, or can, get close to a fire breathing dragon or a recluse turtle? These partners are setting up a situation where it is impossible to create a Successful Relationship!