Married Life from Hitched - Social network for married couples

Are you always too tired for sex?
I'm sorry to say this but it is an old belief system that has become a well accepted excuse for women to not want sex.

No doubt, there are many times when a woman/ couple is too tired to have sex. Generally though, being tired shouldn’t equate to a person’s motivation to have sex—a.k.a. sexual desire.

(Analogy: Some women feel she has gained weight because of pregnancy. While the dramatic increase in weight over 9 months, plus all the hormones does impact a woman’s weight; however, it is ultimately her eating and lifestyle choices before and after baby is born that will determine whether she gains weight.

The problem with pointing the finger of blame at the pregnancy for weight gain is it doesn’t allow the woman to take responsibility for her actions. She is always left as a victim to her circumstance—helpless to do anything. The same is true for sex.)

Although certain development stages in a child’s life (i.e. teething) impacts the parent’s exhaustion, it is not the cause of them wanting or not wanting to have sex. I know plenty of couples who have great sex lives—exhausted or not. In fact, they have more sex when they are tired because it’s their way of relaxing and feeling good (endorphins, oxytocin spike after orgasming, etc.)

Instead of focusing on a “symptom” of being exhausted, the couple needs to look at the bigger picture of how they are having sex—single-woman sex. Generally, there is nothing much in the sex for the woman, and that is why she has a “headache” or is “exhausted”.

Typical couple sex: She walks in the bedroom—he’s expected to give her an orgasm. She usually has a thousand and ten things going on in her head and her amygdale prevents her from getting into the sex. After trying to get her excited, they move onto the “main event”: intercourse.

Most women aren’t properly aroused—therefore, they’re vaginal canals are still in a resting state which is a collapsed tube that is three inches in length with little to no lubrication. She most likely cannot have a vaginal orgasm during intercourse and in fact intercourse might even be uncomfortable. So what is supposed to be a mutually satisfying time for them both turns into a waiting it out period for her. He finishes. She feels hollow or resentful.

In order for her to want sex, she has to feel like her needs, wants and desires matter—married-woman sex. I promise you, if a woman knows when she comes to the bedroom, she will be nurtured and taken care of—she will go at a run. Exhausted or not.

One of my clients has four children under the age of six and runs a store front, retail business. Once she learned to ask for what she needed in her relationship, she has more sex than before her children. Why? Because it’s her ONLY time in her extremely busy life when she feels nurtured and it’s all about her. Her husband, who’s an average guy, is more than happy to oblige because he has a wife that is totally into the sexual experience.

My client is not an anomaly. I’ve seen too many people adopt my methodology—no matter what their busy circumstance—come out the other side wanting more sex.

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