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Adopt a relationship enrichment mindset and lifestyle

Do you often feel you are alone and unsupported - that your partner is out to lunch, or they are prissy about getting their hands dirty…? Do you feel you have to take care of everything, or things don’t get done? Do you bicker over everything and the silliest things can spark a massive fight? Do you find that you don’t address frustrations and disappointments for fear of fighting? Does it seem like forever since you really liked each other and enjoyed each other’s company? Do you feel lonely, taken for granted, overwhelmed, and unappreciated? The solution is in adopting a Relationship Enrichment Mindset and Lifestyle… 

There are a few things at play when a couple is experiencing dissatisfaction and the inability to get back in good graces. When they are feeling stuck and hopeless. When no matter how hard they try, they just seem to dig themselves into a deeper and deeper hole. Where they find they can’t get their bearings, every interaction is a conflict and source of pain. Where they become more and more polarized and dig-in their heals on their positions. Where they completely lost sight of the other and everything is aggravating, wrong, or off. Where they prefer not to spend time with each other or be in each other’s presence. Where they are questioning their commitment to their partner and the relationship.

What’s at play for these partners can succinctly be captured as them being in a Power Struggle. Where they are beyond the infatuation stage of their relationship and are now in a place where their not so pretty parts come out to play, where their defenses become their prominent way of showing up, where they become so concerned with getting their needs met that they lose sight of the bigger picture – of the relationship, their bond, their love…

They become so engrossed and nearsighted with getting their way and being right, that they just can’t see any other options, possibilities, alternatives, meaning, perspectives, intentions and the like. They get really stuck on their side and their story that creating change becomes virtually impossible.

Luckily, it’s not impossible! We have helped many couples shift from this stuckness, and create really amazing, successful relationships- respectful, compassionate, loving, nurturing, connected, supportive, and collaborative. Where they create joyful, fun, harmonious, peaceful, and flowing homes. Where they are proud of who they are as partners and as a couple. And, where they become an inspiration and a role model to their family and friends…

What’s the secret? The secret is not to look at your partner like they are the enemy and to prioritize your relationship. Ha! This is not rocket science. But even though this is simple it doesn’t mean it’s easy… We still manage to not be able to do this at times…

Your partner is usually not out to get you, to get on your nerves, to disappoint you, to abandon or not support you, to criticize and control you, to be a jerk. After things escalate, or after a long time of the dissatisfying status quo, partners might become purposefully spiteful and such. But that’s not usually where they start off…

Your partner wants to you like them, appreciate them, love them, notice what they do for you, and such. They even go out of their way to please you…

The problem becomes that we just choose to see things with our dirty lenses, and we miss all the good stuff…

We allow our scripts, programming, negativity bias, and such to color what we see… We only see the things that confirm our perspective. We fall prey to confirmation bias… We prove ourselves right. But, to what end? There is no right and wrong, both partners are right in their own experience… There are always two sides to a story…

What we need to understand is that there is a reason for things playing out as they do… In understanding what you each bring to the relationship and how that fits perfectly together..., you get to appreciate the differences your partner contributes…

Your partner doesn’t only complement you, they also have the inherent ability to trigger all your sensitivities like no other…

This is part of your unconscious attraction… I’m sure you’ve looked at couples before and you just don’t get it- they don’t seem to fit together, they don’t seem to make a good match… This is because the attraction is not about the conscious checklist or about appearances…

The attraction is at a deeper, unexplainable level. It just is. We might be able to say all the things we love about our partner and why we love them, but it doesn’t do it justice to why we are bonded… Part of this attraction has to do with their ability to trigger unfinished business so now you have a second go at it…

~Your partner’s oppositeness shows you the other side of things, it helps you expand yourself
~Your partner’s triggering capabilities give you the opportunity for healing…

In all, your Partner is a Gift to your own Evolution… They are actually your Ally…

It behooves us to do our darnedest to keep on the lens of our Partner is our Gift, our Ally!

And, while we are at it. It behooves us to look at our relationship as a Playground. Where we get to Play with our partner to learn about ourselves and life… Where we get to practice becoming our Best Self and the Best Partner. Where we get to play Life… Now, that’s a Relationship Enrichment Mindset…

Operating from this framework provides all kinds of possibilities for your relationship, including how you prioritize your partner and the relationship… Yes, we have very full and hectic lives. This doesn’t condone forgetting about our partner… If we are to have an amazing relationship, we have to make it so. If we ignore it there is no chance of that happening! 

The easiest way to make sure we prioritize our partner and our relationship is to build the focus, attention, and nurturing into our Lifestyle. How we use and allocate time, set up our daily routine, build-in connection habits and create systems for collaborating.

When we don this lens and embrace this approach, there is no way you cannot create the Best Relationship!

ASSIGNMENT: Take a few minutes to be with yourself and take stock of how you choose to see your partner…

-Make a list of your recent thoughts about them… Catch anything that feels like a broken record… This is not about your partner this is your stuff… Note the theme and make it a point to come back to address it.

-For now, take a step back. Get grounded, become open to being compassionate and loving (meditation)… Don on the new lens crafted with the Relationship Enrichment Mindset and give it another whirl. Take new stock of your partner… See how they complement you. See how they try to please you. See the effort they put in.

-Note how much more *clearly you can see them, how there is no angst, how you see the person you fell in love with, how you see their Essence – their gifts, not their faults…  
*You might be very entrenched and attached to your story of how your partner sucks. Keep at donning the new lens until you can see clearly…

Here is to creating the relationship you desire! You CAN do it!

Happy Creating!

 

PS1 – Monthly Complimentary Themed Webinar:
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PS2 – We’ll be having Facebook Lives to go along with our blog posts! Tune-in on Thursdays at 10:30 am ET (mark your calendar!)

PS3 – Check out Related Posts: 
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Do you play with your partner?
Are you giving enough to your honey? 
Are you being nice to your partner?
Feeling stuck in your relationship? 
Do you support each other?
Are you ready for deeper connection with your spouse?
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want? 
How do you show your commitment?

PS4 – Get your Quotes & Quickies™ for this post! 

 

 

 

   Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

 

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