Today let's talk about unconditional love and other popular literature fabulous phenomenon.
Eternal love for the partner does not exist
Surprisingly, yes? Here's the thing: your spouse is not your child. A spouse is an adult person with whom you decide to spend your life, but things are changing, and there is no guarantee that every day, month and year together you will love each other.
All my life I was told, that I won't like my wife all the time, but I will always love her.
And when it was bad, I thought that the end of my marriage. How can we have love, if we torment each other? And isn't marriage concerned about unconditional love?
Our psychoanalyst told me: "No way. You are not her son, and she is not your daughter. No one guaranteed you that you would have eternal love"
When I realized this, I found the exit. We can be a happy couple, happy family, even if sometimes love is not in bloom.
Total: one is not obliged to love you for no reason (and you are not required). You have to work hard to help your partner love you. Even (especially?) being married for 5, 10, 20 years.
The first two years after birth are the most severe. Do not let this period be a model for the future.
Yes, the children are joy and happiness for those who want a family, but it is wrong to think that becoming parents will change everything. Your life, schedule, networking opportunities and the old ways of resolving conflicts amicably will fly into the pipe, and life will look like writing your boring essay for the university task.
People say that "it is necessary to put the relationship in the first place" (and I agree, provided that there is no loss in child's well-being and happiness), but no matter how you try, it will be difficult. You will sleep much less, the hormones will go crazy, your body, and even the way of thinking will change.
The main thing is to not letting this crisis period to determine how you will treat your spouse in the future.
Do not let the anger and resentment accumulate, try to talk, train patience and remind yourself that you are in love and have chosen your partner.
It is easier to tell than to do, of course, but that's what I advise to smart people: ask for help, accept help. Hire assistants, after all. Do everything to get through this stage with minimum losses and without residual hatred for each other.
Sex will not always be the priority of the marriage
Sorry, guys, but no matter how you love sex in long-term relationships, there won't always be a lot of it. There will be periods when your libido will not coincide.
Sorry, I have no genius Council to program someone to want more or less sex. But that's what I understood: your desire here and now does not impose automatic liability on your partner, but the loss of intimacy and cooling of relations is a common problem.
If you're someone who wants less, do not have sex with no desire, but at least try to stimulate yourself. Go to a therapist, dream, take photos of yourself or spouse, read an erotic novel in the end. I do not know what stimulates you, but do it.
And if you're someone who wants more? Firstly, do not become a constant demander. Do not blame (it is unlikely that your husband or wife have reduced their desire consciously). These techniques only chill the relationship more. Try to find pleasure in other things, cultivate warmth in relationship to melt your partner gradually. Cherish each other in bed, kiss, touch each other. Cook for each other, watch movies in an embrace. These things are also very important.
Nice little things every day are a universal recipe
It's not just the flowers, a clean house, and regular sex (although this too). Pleasing trifles are calling a partner a "favorite" or another kind word from which he always feels thrilled. Say, "How nice to hear from you." Buy cookies - just because he or she likes them.
It sounds corny, I know. I grew up in a family where tenderness was not something usual and saying "I'm so glad you're home," was initially difficult. But, you know, as they say, I get used to. And my wife likes ti very much.