You: “The bathroom light. He never turns it off when he’s done. Drives me crazy!”
Your girlfriend: “Bathroom light? Try wet teabags on the kitchen counter. Yuck!”
OK, so he isn’t Mr. Clean or Mr. Oops-I-gotta-turn-off-the-Light. Yes, it’s annoying. Yes, you’ve told him a zillion times, and yes you wish he’d get it already.
So let’s see – when he (or you) leaves this mortal plane, what are you going to say: “He never turned off the bathroom light” or “Oh,… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on November 19, 2009 at 9:12pm —
You: Straight, serious face. “That’s nice, dear.”
Him: “Yeah, well OK. Whatever."
Smile! Let your Sweetheart know just how sweet he is in your heart with a big ole SMILE!! You want enthusiasm from him, a little passion maybe, then smile.
Your guy lives for that smile. He wants to know he pleases you, that he is still your Prince, your Knight in Shining Armor. Your smile tells him that bigtime.
Be generous with your smiles. Smile whenever you’re… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on November 14, 2009 at 2:43pm —
You: “We can’t move! I just got a promotion and a raise!”
Him: “If we don’t move, I won’t have a job at all!”
Stalemate. Nasty. Feels like a serious lose-lose. And right now, neither of you are budging. Both of you feel righteous: “Why should I be the one to give in here?”
But a house divided against itself cannot stand. This marriage hasn’t a chance unless and until you are willing to sit down and focus on a solution, instead of focusing on who’s gonna… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on November 4, 2009 at 9:39pm —
You: “We’re always behind because you don’t make enough money!”
Him: “I’m doing the best I can, whaddya want from me, blood?”
If it meant more money, you might just say “yes.”
Unfortunately, all you’d really get is more of what you’re getting right now – nothing.
Good managers in the workplace know that you don’t get people to perform better and produce more, by yelling at them and browbeating them. You get more from people by encouraging what… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on October 30, 2009 at 6:43pm —
Finances are tight, you hardly go out anymore, so dinner at a restaurant with white tablecloths and candlelight is a BIG deal. You get this great coupon, finagle reservations, get yourself all dressed up (OK, so it’s last year’s fashion, or the year before, who cares), ready for a super night with your Honey.
Only when you get to “El Swanky Restaurant” the hostess informs you in a frosty tone that your coupon expired – yesterday, and no, she won’t make an exception.… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on October 28, 2009 at 2:53pm —
You: “But do you love me? You never say you love me anymore.”
Him: “I’m here, aren’t I? Of course I love you. There, you satisfied now?”
No. You’re not. Duh.
You don’t want to hear “I love you” under duress. You want to hear it soulfully, longingly, preferably continuously.
Unless your guy happens to be extremely right-brained (like women are), or a died-in-the-wool womanizer (not a good choice), he’s unlikely to verbalize… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on October 23, 2009 at 12:55pm —
You: Crying. “I hate you! You’re so mean to me!”
Him: Yelling. “You’re nothing but a nag! All you ever do is bitch!”
Oh dear. Not good. Fighting below the belt – name calling and vicious accusations. Gonna get ugly if you keep this up.
Back to the drawing board you go . . . learning to talk about what’s bothering you before it gets so heated you can’t think straight, taking a couples class on conflict-management together, agreeing on time-outs,… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on October 14, 2009 at 6:53pm —
You: “I’m not in the mood. Just go to sleep. I’ve got a headache.”
Him: “You’re never in the mood.” Rolls over. “Jeez, you’re giving me a headache.”
Remember the classic scene in “Annie Hall”? Where the gal tells her therapist “We have sex all the time – twice a week!” and the guy tells his therapist “We never have sex – only twice a week!”
Getting on the same “in the mood” wavelength isn’t always easy. But if you’re gonna keep your marital body and soul… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on October 7, 2009 at 12:37pm —
Him: “Hockey game’s on Saturday. Wanna grab a bite before?”
You: “Sorry, Hon – I already planned something with my sister.” Mental note to self: make immediate Saturday plans with sister.
Ok, so you’re off the hook for this one, but if you don’t watch it, you may be off the hook for your marriage.
Say what? Yes! Marriage is about engaging in each other’s lives, not living separate lives under one roof.
You don’t like hockey “push, shove, blood, guts”… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on September 30, 2009 at 9:28pm —
You love your guy. He’s a sweetie, mellow, easy-going. He holds down a steady job and does his fair share of the chores – well, most of the time anyway. He’s good with the kids, doesn’t get too ripped on “guys’ night out” and still remembers your anniversary with flowers. You know women who would kill to get such a guy, so what right do you have to complain?
You squirm. You sigh. You bite a cuticle. It’s just that . . . oh boy, how to say this? You want more in the bed department. Or… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on September 29, 2009 at 10:06am —
You: “I’m bored. He’s boring. Our sex life is boring. Our marriage is boring.”
Your girlfriend: “Buy some lingerie. Get a sex video. Make a sex video.”
Well, you could do that. But not everything is about sex.
Really. Not everything is about sex.
When you’re bored in your marriage, it’s usually more about failing to engage in each other’s lives than it is in failing to engage in sex.
Variety is the spice of marriage, so get some… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on September 23, 2009 at 10:34am —
You: Stomp. Scream. Slam. “It’s all your fault!”
Him: Throwing hands up. “I made a mistake! I’m sorry!”
He did it wrong. Again. Your mani-pedi check bounced. How are you supposed to look your manicurist in the eyes next time? OK, at the top of her head. Whatever.
And who knows what else you’ll bounce because ‘you-know-who’ balanced the checkbook wrong. Mistake? Ye-ah.
But let’s see. Does stomping out of the room fix it? Or blaming the whole thing on… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on September 15, 2009 at 9:40pm —
Him: Feeding the baby. Badly. Pureed peas decorate the floor, his shirt, baby’s face – everywhere but the mouth.
You: Sigh. Foot tapping. Groan. “I’ll do it!” Spoon snatched.
Like you do everything already. Or so it seems. The man can’t even feed a baby, much less bathe it, diaper it, or do anything else to help you, and now number 2 is on the way. Move over, world, here comes Super-Mom!
Only Super-Mom is tiring and the whole Super-Mom thing gets very old, very… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on September 3, 2009 at 6:20pm —
Your one-and-only isn’t behaving his one-and-only self lately. He’s distracted, spends more time at work, on the Internet, everywhere but with you. He’s not that interested in being intimate – oh, he joins in just fine if you make the moves, but he’s not initiating things. You hear “yes, dear” more often than “sweetheart.” And as you get the kids ready for school one morning, it hits you – he must be having an affair!
You know you’ve gained a few pounds since the honeymoon, and with… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on September 1, 2009 at 1:36pm —
You: Sobbing. “He cheated on me! I can’t believe he cheated on me!”
Your girlfriend: “Oh that’s horrible! You should leave him right away!”
Maybe. But maybe not. Through the big dark ugly cloud of infidelity, there may be a silver lining. . .
Affairs are often a cry for help, an acting out of the unhappiness or distress your man is feeling but hasn’t been able to talk about.
So before you pack your bags and storm out, see if you can sit down and talk… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on August 26, 2009 at 6:12pm —
Him: Beaming. Brushing dirt off pants. “Got the whole lawn mowed!”
You: Gritting your teeth. Forcing a smile. “That’s nice, dear. Thank you.”
Like you ever get praise for the hundreds of tasks you perform every week. But you smile, even though it hurts (it does!).
Good girl! Praise, acknowledging your guy’s value, appreciating him, is the cornerstone of a good relationship. Now all you have to do is lose the resentment acid-refluxing your stomach every time… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on August 18, 2009 at 6:48pm —
Him: Kissing your neck. “Um, you smell good.”
You: Not in the mood. Letting yourself relax under his touch anyway.
Oh, you smart, caring woman, you. Recognizing that his needs are important too, and simply letting yourself relax . . . which more often than not will put you in the mood.
Nobody likes rejection, and a guy too often rejected in the love-making department will stop looking to you for that love. . .
Smart woman, you!
Added by Noelle Nelson on August 12, 2009 at 9:51pm —
You: Reporting – “He’s home-couch-dinner-couch-TV-bed. Boring!”
Your girlfriends: Uproarious laughter. “What did you expect? Meaningful conversation?” More laughter.
Meaningful conversation. Outside of arguing about money or the kids? Yeah . . . That’s a challenging rabbit to pull out of the hat.
Worth a try, don’t ya think? So tap the hat lightly with your magician’s wand and pull out - (wait for it)
A smile to greet your mate when he (or you)… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on August 6, 2009 at 9:25pm —
Him: Scowling. You’re late. We were supposed to be at the Smiths a half hour ago. It’s business!
You: Miffed. Well it’s not my fault – I had to stay late at work!
A charming couple you’ll be tonight. Forced smiles to the Smiths and daggers to each other.
No fun between the sheets tonight, nuh-uh. It’s a toss-up right now if you’ll even end up in the same bed.
Too bad. The Smiths are good company and it could have been a relaxing, enjoyable… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on July 27, 2009 at 7:14pm —
Him: “How was your day?”
You: “Oh, you know, same-old, same-old.”
I know, you’re bored with your day, you’re tired, the last thing you want to talk about is your day.
But he’s interested. And he won’t stay interested unless you start sharing. . .
It’s up to you. You don’t have to give him an hour by hour rundown, you can chat about something you noticed on your drive home, or the Web article you read on break, or the gossip about the new… Continue
Added by Noelle Nelson on July 22, 2009 at 11:33am —