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For this scenario, let’s say there is a twenty-four year-old woman named Sharon, and she has a relationship with a twenty-four year-old man named Richard.  Sharon and Richard have been in their relationship for three years.  The first six months were wonderful, but the rest of the time the relationship has been filled with a bunch of starts and stops.  During one of the starts, Sharon got pregnant and now they have an 18 month-old child.


Two months ago, Sharon found out that Richard had gotten another woman pregnant during one of their stops.  But Sharon has forgiven him, and is now planning a wedding.


What is Sharon’s problem?  What makes her, and so many women like her, accept the infidelity of their male partners?  Is her self esteem so low that she is willing to take vows with an admitted cheater?  Doesn’t she realize that she will never, ever trust him?  Is the desire for a wedding, and the need to be married so powerful that it overrides common sense?  Is Sharon’s lack of self-respect so strong that she is willing to subject her and her child to a lifetime of instability?  Does she believe that it is better to be with the father of her child in an unhealthy environment, than to raise that child on her own in a positive and supportive environment?  Or is Sharon just delusional?


Would some of the women out there please explain this to me because I don’t get it.  If Sharon is afraid to die alone, that fear is misguided.  We all die alone.  If she thinks that Richard is going to change, she is just fooling herself.  Richard has already demonstrated that he has no respect, nor any regard for Sharon.  By forgiving Richard, Sharon has told him that he can do whatever he wants to do.  There are no consequences or repercussions for his actions.  The issue of trust will never allow Sharon to be at peace, but maybe that’s where being delusional will be her solace.


Whatever insight women are able to share will be greatly appreciated.  And please don’t tell me it’s all about being in love.  Love is supposed to strengthen you, not destroy  you.

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My first thought is maybe sharons baby isnt richards so she feels like she cannot hold a grudge against him because of that face. 

My second thought if the first is not the case is this:  Many women just want the wedding of their dreams.  My sister in law got married and seven months later they are divorced after being together for over ten years.  She was all wrapped up in the wedding and her parents paid for it all.  It isnt even paid off really because it was put on credit via good old mom and dad.  Not even the rings are paid off.  I almost got into that trap myself recently, as I had started to plan the wedding and pay for stuff then realized the only reason I am with him still is for the wedding. 


I can only speak for myself, but some of us think once we get married things will change and he will change.  NOT TRUE.  I hate it when people try to change each other after marriage.  They knew who they were before marriage so why change them if it was good enough then why is it not now. 


Personally, I think that she is feeling guilty about doing something and if not it is about the dream wedding.  hope this helps. 


Elizabeth, thank you for your insights.  I totally agree that too many couples are more interested in having a wonderful ceremony instead of a healthy marriage.



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