I'm concerned that there is more going on here than problems within the relationship - there are red flags waving around his online/gaming use. Four hours after work (with you there being ignored) and 12 hours in a row previously with gaming might indicate an addiction problem. I am seeing this more and more with the individuals and couples I work with. The form may vary (stuck staring into the iPhone during meals, etc - or always checking email...) but the end result is the same. It can have a significant impact on the relationships around the person who has a compulsive need to be engaged in these activities.
I would recomment couples counseling. A good therapist will be able to identify the presence of an addiction issue (if there is) in the process. You clearly are not getting your needs met - and your husband doesn't seem to see a problem with his behavior.
If communication doesn't work, counseling can be an extremely useful tool to help get you both back on track.
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
You already have hurt feelings if you are angry about his behavior. You should understand that he has no power to make you feel anything. You choose how you want to feel about what someone says or does. You say you get angry, but why do you get angry. You say it is his actions that trigger your anger, but is it really his actions.
One of the ways you can handle this situation is by eliminating the emotional component. Figure out why you feel the way you do. Then clearly explain to your husband in practical terms what it is that you need. Men don't deal with emotions very well, but if you make it logical and practical, that usually gets their attention. Just make it clear that from a practical standpoint your relatonship will have difficulty surviving in its current state. No need for shouting or yelling. Simply state what it is that you need, why it's important for the relationship, and the consequences if his behavior does not change.
If he has any level of intelligence and wants you to continue to be a part of his life, then he should be willing to shutdown that computer and log into you.
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