What does your husband or wife do to make you mad? How do you handle the issue?
My husband stays on the computer long periods of times. It makes me angry with him when he does not take the time to spend anytime with me. When I say long periods I am meaning 4 or more hours after he comes home from work. We use to have a PS3 but not anymore. He would spend 12 hrs. on that thing. If I mention to him I need some quality time with him he gets mad. Then by the time I am trying to get him to spend some time with me he is so tired he slips off to sleep. What's with that? I get angry with him and we start arguing. He tells me he is tired. I get it he needs some time to himself but he forgets that I may a little TLC from him. He forgets I exist sometimes. We will get so mad some times we go to bed mad with each other. How can I help resolve issues like this without hurt feelings?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Karen on
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Gosh, that is a tough one. I do know what you mean though, my husband does it also, not to the extent of 4 hours but he has a blackberry and it seems like if we are sitting on the couch watching tv and I am thinking we are enjoying each other I will look over and he has his blackberry opened and looking at it. It seems like when I look at him he will put it away for a short period but does bring it back out.
I do remember one night sitting here and he was on his computer and had been for quite a while and I said....do you think sometimes that maybe we spend too much time on the computer and not enough just talking to one another....man, you talk about getting mad at me. He slammed the lid on the laptop and said...so what should we talk about real sarcastically. It was this point that I got my feeling hurt and didn't want to talk to him at all. So yes we did end up arguing about it and really didn't come to any conclusion.
Maybe if you wrote down your feelings in an email and sent it to him, that way you could get out what you want to say and you don't end up getting heated up or emotional and then not making any sense at all, which is what happens to me. I also allows for him to be able to read it , digest it, think about it and then maybe give you some feedback. I think I would say...how about if you just cut your time in half that you spend on the computer or maybe designate certain nights that are just couple time....I really hope that you are able to come to a happy medium because it can be very hurtful to the one getting ignored.
Karen
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Permalink Reply by Jessica Elizabeth Durant on
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Its sad its got to the point we have to email or txt our husbands so they will know how we feel. Men can be so naïve about a womans feelings when it comes to things. We give them their space like they want but yet they want more. If a man wants so much space why did they want to include a woman in their world? Its beyond me about why men can shut a woman out like they do. Women have emotional needs that need to be met and if its not its leads to other problems. Like infedility or divorce. If men could learn a little about understanding a woman and be more willing to communicate with the wife marriages can be more successful. It can be prevented with a little time and respect for each other. Some men would be upset with me for saying this. Its the honest truth. Why do men get married for if they still want it the way it was before they commited themselves to another person? I am eager to know.... I asked my own husband these questions and all he came up with was I don't know. Let's see if other husbands can answer them?
God Bless the Wives we need it!
Jess
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Well, lets see......why is it when you are trying to do something, ur wife constantly nags u about what u r doing and when youre going to be done doing it????? Why do women think its fun to aggravate the piss out of men when they r dead tired? Why is it when men need their space, their wife feels the need to interrupt them every 5 minutes? Why do women feel they have to tell us what to do and when to do it? Why is it that wives can fantasize about johnny depp, but when a man fantasizes about a female actress, it makes them jealous and men just laugh it off???? Answer these please, im confused!!!!!!!
Joe
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Joe,
Its seems like your are very agitated about this discussion. I am not a perfect wife by no means but I do try to do everything you have ever wanted. I will as your wife answer those questions....
1. Maybe you should consider the fact when your wife is asking you that she needs your time and attention. Maybe you have not spend enough time with her and she is lonely.
2. As your wife I do love to be playful and I always have. Yes I admit there are times you are tired and I am wanting to be playful and you don't. I fail to realize that you don't want that at the moment. I am sorry if I get to be aggravating. Like I said I am not perfect...
3. For this question refer back to answer #1.
4. Well I can answer this for all wives. But for me my husband procrastanates on a lot of important things that need to be done. If I don't give some direction on where to go you won't do it. And if you don't it comes back in our face with your lack of care about a issue. That's why I sugguest to you what to do. Its up to you to listen and if you don't do it in a reasonable time. Like a certain bill that needs taking care of. I worry! And you cause me to worry. So I tell you when to do it so it won't back fire on us.
5. As for the jealous part that is so funny! I don't get jealous over things like that. But shall I be honest here I get jealous when you spend more time talking to another women online more then me. And once again you put the "worry" in me over that because you failed me in that area of being faithful one time. Jealous...sort of, Hurt...absolutely, Worried.... Always! And you made it that way.
Now that I honestly answered your questions feel free to reply.
I love you Joe and I have always been there when you needed me. Even a lil to much! You have never had to "worry" if I would be there and be faithful cause I never put that in your mind to "worry" but you have with me. I am still having to cope with it all....
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Wow!!, that seemed to have opened a can of worms...I don't even know what to say.
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I read your post and could not believe number #4. I nag my husband to take care of certain things and he is oblivious. Can you believe he has a car parked on the street that only goes backwards...the transmission is gone and he refuses to have it towed away. In addition, he has a 1988 Toyota that he is putting in a new radiator all the while an audi in the garage. He has been paying $40 a month for a health club that he never goes for over three years - what is 36 x 40 - looks like $1440 to me. I bet I could something with that money and I have given up. He tells me it is none of my business and I tell him we are married and it reflects on me. On top of that he accumulates parking tickets because on his job there is only two hour parking and he refuses to use the company lot because it is three blocks away. I have given up worrying - but believe it has turned into such resentments and I am not sure I can ever get over them.
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Permalink Reply by Latoya Frances Bagley Lawrence on
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Married advice as far as how to handle disagreements when your spouse hurts your feelings deep down inside and act like nothing was said after its done???? My Husband can say some really tough mean things to me somethimes lastnight we got in a disagreement about him letting me know where he was. He feels as if he can go different places and not inform his own wife where he is all I want him to understand is we are one we are not two and then he likes to sit up all night on a work night when I just want him to get in the bed and be close to me....
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My husband is almost always too busy. He, like all men, says I nag too much but does he ever stop to think what I'm nagging about cuz its about THE SAME THING! Helping around the house and with the kids, coming home early at least 3-4 times to have dinner with his family, do SOME family things together where the kids can begin those memories, call if ur gonna be late, and pay some bills!!! I have tried each way you can think of and am at a loss cuz no matter how clear I put it, to him, its always about him. Any ideas? I'm too the point where I don't really talk to him much JUST to avoid him saying degrading things to me or miss interpreting anything. Its very sad because our kids are seeing this and he doesn't realize what we're doing to them. I want to blame his parents for not instilling in him those family values BUT he's a grown man he should know its time to GROW UP!!
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Mine is the busiest of all.
He wakes up in the morning,has coffee and sits in front of his stinkin' laptop. Then he gets dressed and goes to work.
He comes home,grabs a beer,and sits in front of his stinkin' laptop. He eats supper and then goes to bed.
He was in a band up until two days ago. That took up 2-3 nights a week for practice and of course the gigs were on top of that.
I have to admit that I was kind of excited when the band went it's separate ways...I started day-dreaming of all the things we could start to do as a family....maybe eat supper at 6 or 7 like normal families do,instead of at 11 P.M...
Less than 24 hours later he was on line trying to find a new band to join. As I type this he's on the phone talking to a possibly new band mate.
We've been living in our new home for 2 years now and it's still not complete. We have a renovation business,so it's not like he has any real excuses not to be able to finish the house.
Our son is 16 months old and clings to me. I would LOVE to have a day off now and again.
He doesn't seem to grasp the idea that I too need time out. I need time for me and for us.
I sent our son to my mom's for the weekend in hopes of going out on a real date...ya....right.
We did however spend some quality time working together and some time on the couch watching t.v...before he would pass out.
His life is : work,computer,music,and beer.
My life is : "mommy!" washing the floors and dishes,cleaning the house,fixing the house,cooking....etc.
He has a life...I don't! He says that's MY problem. He says I should join a group or something...uh huh...and just who in the world is supposed to watch the baby and cook and clean while I go out and join a bunch of women talking about dirty diapers?
Most women my age have full grown children and sit around pools or in lounges. It's very hard to meet women my age...except at the grocery store.
I feel as though he's keeping me pinned to the house. I can't afford a babysitter or a daycare. My mom lives 4 hours away so going out for a night is not an option.
I just want some time from him.
At least he finally got the business books done...that only took 2 months of harping.lol
All I want is for a completed house and some quality time with the man I love.
We are currently sleeping in the living room as none of the bedrooms are finished...yes...it means that the baby is also sleeping in the same room...try making love that way...ugh.
I've read comments on many sites,and some of the ones that men leave are beyond me.
I wish they would try and see it from our point of view,then perhaps they would understand why women get so cranky.
Most say that they are too tired to spend time with us after work,yet they have plenty of energy to play in a band,play on their computers,or on occasion, make love...etc.
If he was outside mowing the lawn or inside finishing the house then it wouldn't be such a big deal...but nothing is getting done around here unless I do it myself.
Ever try to mow the lawn when the noise scares the bejeebers out of your baby? Or when you have to try and carry him on one hip so that you don't mow him over? Try painting the house with a baby around...his hair was white for a week...and those tiny footprints were an added decoration to the tiled floors.
Spend time with us! Money is NOT that important. Spend time with your families before you lose them for good.
Good luck to all of us.
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wow I can almost relate to you. My husband used to be in a band too. He would go out with friends when he wasnt practising, while id be left at home to care for our first born, cook and clean and do his laundry. And my husband used to complain about my cooking, whether his clothes were washed or not. I just didn't fit the bill.
So I know what its like. and worse of all, I was only 18 at the time.
Now I am 28, 29 next month. With my second child I was injured during birth which prevented me from doing daily household chores etc.
I am constantly sore, my husband has a business now so he is always working and I hardly see him. But come weekend he just wants to sleep in. The house can get really messy, we eat takeout alot and I hate it.
The one thing I noticed about your story is lack of friends, I have friends. I didn't have these friends when my kids were babies though. We moved city and I didn't know anyone.
I decided I wasn't going to let my social life be destroyed however, so every now and then I will make my husband watch the kids and stay the night at my friends house because they live a few hours away. I also play an online video game to occupy myself when my kids are asleep. My husband only occasionaly complains that I play this video game however.
Having friends makes the world of a difference, but only temporarily. When you come home, loneliness sinks back in.
But he complains that he has to do dinner now (although he rarely does because he just buys takeout!). Not once did I ever complain about making his dinner and more when I was 18-23 years old and looking after our child!
Oh I also hate to say it, but I found out that my husband also flirted online, god knows if he has done it offline, but with the amount of time he has spent away from home it wouldn't surprise me.
My conclusion has been, most Men want wonder woman and they want to do what they want, when they want, no questions asked. Oh they have demands for you too, they want you to be fit and healthy, keep grooming, care for the kids, cook their dinner, wash their laundry.
They want all of this from you, but they do want you to have a social life as well, just so they don't have to hear you talk, our voices tire them, even when we're not nagging. That's if you can even find the time to hang out with friends. So no matter which way the tables turn, we get the crap on us (if you don't, good for you! you probably have a rare man indeed!)
All I want, is quality time with my husband.
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I am waiting for my wedding
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