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i have been with my significant other since 2000. I have a son by him that is 6 and a daughter that is not his who just turned 11. We have had a lot of ups and downs and in 2006 we got custody of his three children from a prior relationship. he also has another child by another woman. Before they came to live with us we was having another down time and was even talking about leaving each other. Once they came the focus changed because his childen have mental health issues. He also was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Just recently his condition turned for the worse and he now needs a heart transplant. In this past fall, I was sitting on my front step doing my daughter hair when his childs mother came to talk to me. I told her she needed to talk to him because he is the father. He was walking up as we were talking. During the conversation that they was having it was revealed that he signed an acknowledgement of paternity for her three year old daughter. After hearing that I went in the house fuming. My son was supposed to be his last and he is six. When he returned in the house after now arguing with her, I was ready to end the relationship rihgt there. I stayed because of my children and his children and the fact that his medical condition will be taking him away from the children at some point. He now wnats to get married. I have been putting it off because I can't let go of the past. I feel as though I have been short changed during these past eight years. I will be thirty soon and that also take play. Any thoughts???? suggestions???? We have had some counseling.

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Don't do it. Don't let some misguided notion that your getting older means sacrificing your happiness or your future. I've been married and am now divorced, although my ex and I are still really great friends. I'm 37 and have never been able to follow the stereotypical life track-school, get married, have kids, story ends or whatever-that a lot of people have taken. Your life is your story. You make the rules and the fact that you would even consider staying with this man, says that you don't feel that you deserve better than what you've gotten. He has a proven history of being dishonest and the only thing you're doing is showing your kids that the treatment you receive is all they have to look forward to. Why do so many women do this?? Love is not about feeling sorry for someone, or about pity, or about a misguided sense of responsiblilty. It's about a partnership. Hopefully, your counselor has told you all of this. You are young, believe in yourself and take some time to dig deep and pull out all of those dreams you used to have. Remember the point in your life when you felt that you deserved the best, that you deserved happiness and that you could get it. And if you've never felt that way, then take the time to get yourself to that place. It's possible. You deserve a new beginning and so do your children. God bless you and good luck.
I never really looked at it from the oint of view that you are giving me but what you say has a lot of truth in it. My daughters father told me he wasn't ready for a child when I was pregnant with her and beings though my son father stayed around my thinking was that at least I won't have two fatherless children. I often find myself questioning why I stayed so long.thanks for your support.
Hm, well it seems that you are mad that he did the moraly responsible thing. I find that attractive in a man. You knew it to be true, just as long as he did not admit to it?
He may want to get married now for several reasons, and personally, I would have left after 2 yrs, but if he is married and he has to pay child support to the kid, the amt be lessened because of the other kids and being married. Second, depending on his income when and if he dies, you and the kids would get his SSA SSI benefits first. That to me sounds like a good thing for the kids you have together and the other kids. If he is married he can get more He may be eligble now as well.

Just my two cents. www.ssa.gov
Your husband has not been treating you kindly. If he has a three year old child and yours is six that shows he has been cheating on you. One thing about men is that when they are down, they tend to love you more because they want your surport, they always want their wife or girlfriend to show pity for them but when they are at the top, they easely forget all you have gone through together, they will put you at the religation, they will cheat on you, they will abuse and hate you. My advice to you is that, don`t give him your love anymore, just make him love you, get married to him, them divoce him, to get a hold on him to take care of your child. Secondly, You are just 30 and already feeling old. Do you know that Naomi Campel is 38 year and still single? And more than one thousand and one men will like to marry her. What you need to do is to get your hand on something because no man want a reponsiblity for himself. Even if your are 60 years, and you can take care of your self, you can get a man of 30 years kneeling and begging to marry to. Try to get a job, safe money and beautify yourself.

Bibianna.

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