Video Games killed the marriage
So what do you do when your husband would rather play video games then spend time with you? It has been the same argument over and over again. I dont know what to do. My husband lies to me. I dont trust him because he lies so much and for the 4th time already, I found some websites on our computer that my husband had registered with. He tells me he was just messing around. I am no dummy and I know that men dont look at these sights just to mess around. I dont know what to do. For a while he slept either in our closet or on the floor because he says it was more comfortable. whatever. I get tired of being the one to try and fix our marriage while I am waiting on him to figure out that it is the damn video games that is slowly killing us........God. I honestly dont think he gets it. Of course I am not all innocent either but I dont think he realizes that I respond to the way I am being treated and I am fed up. I dont know what to do. I dont care anymore and it would suit me just fine if we got divorced......I can be unhappy by myself........
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Mi on -
In my relationship it was the hardest thing being the first to really be giving and start a not accusatory dialoge. I wanted to let him have it for coming up short on taking care of my feelings. I wanted to yell at him for not realising how much his ignorance hurt me. It took a-lot of time and soooooooooooo much effort on my part to start to change that. I understand how someone wouldn't want to put out that kind of emotion anymore. You feel dry,empty and just plain tired. As far as the video games are concerned,that usually is a way to disengage, a time to unplug. Are there still things you have in common that you enjoy?(dancing,movies etc....) First things first. You might want to think about mentally getting yourself stronger. It helps when you KNOW that what your thinking and were you want to go is the right thing for you. If he wants to come along fine,then making the effort will be easier for you, if not then you will be confident enough to start changing your life and following that wherever that leads. I'm interested in what happens please be sure to post your outcome,K?
-
Permalink Reply by One Bored Employee on
-
Well we are not divorced..........Im broke enough. I love my husband I really do - and I am slowly learning to be mature about marriage because I agreed and vowed to stay through thick and thin...........getting him to spend time with me - I mean quality time is like pulling teeth. We went away for Valentines day but that he brought his job with him and was on the phone most of the time.........and he has resentment towards me because I WONT buy him a playstation 3 - AS IF???!!!
-
Permalink Reply by Mrs. Childress on -
Your husband is lacking maturity and if he has lied once... and again... and again... and again (get my point?) - he WILL do it again. You don't say how long you've been married or whether your have any children together. I usually advocate marriage, however it appears you made a mistake. Better to move on now and cut your losses. Oh yeah... he "gets" it; however, it is apparent he does NOT value the relationship nor wants to take any steps to move it into a more positive position.
-
-
We got marriage 7/22/2007. I know he lacks maturity...so do I.......*sigh*........I know all of these things. Sometimes I think I made a mistake and truth be told no married woman wants to hear that from someone else.....I dont want to change my husband I just want him to realize that we got "married" - to his credit, he gets that on other levels.....now it is real easy to vent about what he doesnt do for me becuase I was a mad angry sex deprived woman BUT although we do not have any kids together - he has stepped up to the plate with my 7 year old in the last year.........he works two jobs and everything he has goes to me - now those things may be all good and well but what I am trying to get him to understand is that it is not about just doing those things - working and being a good father - it is about what you do when no one is looking, what you do to make sure that there is quality time spent and that I have a reason to trust again, sacrifice - most men think sacrifice is letting their wives hold the remote - I am concerned with real sacrifice - like working a job you hate because your wife and child needs health insurance - especially your wife because she finds herself sick more often then not (*raises hand - that's me!*).
We are not there yet. And at this point I am not even sure we will get there - but I am willing to try and stick it out, not for the sake of our marriage but because I realize that it is not just him - it is me too. Im jealous, nosy, bossy, controlling, emasculating at times, because of what I have been through. This is not an excuse for our marriage but I only say this.........well to defend my husband. True we are not happy, blissful and chasin each other around the house with desire - we are two 29 year olds trying to figure out what "marriage" really is because BOTH examples we have had in our own families left a lot to be desired.
So thank you Mrs. Childress - I really appreciate your advice - true my husband will probably lie again. But so will I.
-
Permalink Reply by Jim Steward on
-
I usually advocate marriage?!?! Well why not now? That's a bunch of bogus advice. I suggest you not listen to Mrs. Childress. Your husband needs some help to work through these issues, as do you need some help to work things out with your husband. There is always hope unless there is physical abuse involved or serial adultery and an unrepentant heart.
-
-
I agree. We are working on it.....
-
Permalink Reply by Victoria on -
Compromise. A marriage is healthier if he does have some of his "own" time, but he needs to also give to the "together" time as well. Can't he understand this and compromise?
-
-
Yes - I think what he needed was an example of what sacrifice was - I mean true sacrifice because his idea of sacrifice was allowing me to turn the TV channel..... :)
-
Permalink Reply by Danielle Gorski on -
Well my husband is a videogame addict and has been ever since i met him
At first i didn't like it to much but then i said to myself well this is his hobby
this is what he likes to do to relax so i thought of a way we could both spend time together is joining him and his gaming
i grew to enjoy it! You might not and if that is the case, You can try asking him questions about his hobby try having coversations with him about it im sure he will see the effort, Also try telling him about your hobbies. I think you should both try to share hobbies together find out what he likes doing. Have him find out what you enjoy maybe you will find something you both enjoy together?
Hope this helps
Danielle Gorski
-
-
Thank you Danielle. I agree completely but there are other issues that tie into him playing video games that he needs to address. I would love to play with him but how can I if he doesnt even allow me to or ignores my asking? There is more to it and sometimes I think he uses his game as a way to not have to talk to me and tell me the truth about stuff.
Hitched Podcast
Episode 98: Get Your Marriage Out of the Fight Club
Dr. Noelle Nelson discusses how anger can inhibit your problem solving skills that keep you and your spouse fighting. Also, be sure to find out who won the Toad to Prince contest visit www.toadtoprince.com. For more go to www.hitchedmag.com© 2009 Created by hitched
