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My husband is generally cool and slightly aloof with most people. He is not unkind or punitive in any way, he is simply "self-contained" in a manner of speaking, and comes off as a bit shy.
Here's the problem. I have been with this man since 1994 and I have only heard him say my name EIGHT TIMES. He does not use my name--not in conversation with others, not in conversation with me, and not in bed, where I would TRULY love to hear him say it.
He does not use endearments or nicknames or the like either. I've never heard him say "honey" or "baby" or "lover" or any other name-substitute.
I have talked to him about that..and how much I want to hear him say my name when making love. I've cried, begged, wished-on-falling-stars... He is simply uncomfortable with it, and unable to tell me why. And I remain bereft.
Our sex life is fact, it's almost non-existant...because my neediness and his discomfort make for a very uncomfortable "elephant in the room."
Is there ANYBODY else out there with this problem? Do you have ANY idea why he feels that way? HELP!

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Mrs. Dudley,

It broke my heart to read your post... and made me even sadder that no one had responded.

Please know I'm not a doctor, a trained counselor or have any professional credentials whatsoever. But I am quite certain this is not a "you" thing but maybe a deep wound your husband carries, possibly without even realizing it.

I don't mean to sound trite but I imagine getting some outside help on an individual level for your husband as well as a couple might do wonders for you both. It's clear you love each other and maybe this is beyond his ability to fix on his own... especially if he doesn't understand what's causing it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I sincerely hope you guys are able to get to the bottom of this and build a relationship that's stronger because of it.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and encouragement, Mrs. Baldwin. I'll keep you posted.
i am sorry to read of your difficulty. i agree with Dawn. your husband has the problem, and for whatever reason.
my father never called my mom by her name. it was 'Wife'. i always thought it strange, but she never complained. as for when they were making all of us kids, i refuse to think of that (sorry).

anyway, i wish you luck and maybe you could get some help that he would be willing to listen to. i mean the professional kind.
ROFL! I understand your reluctance to follow that train of thought into your parents' bedroom! Thank you for your thoughts and good wishes.


Hitched Podcast

Episode 530: The Sexless Marriage

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