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My room is a big mess I have told my Husband over and over again. I don't sleeping in our bedroom . He have to many clothes and hats and everthing in our room. He want to make love in that mess. I am having a hard time with that room . When I was a girl I said that the only thing i really like was a nice room. because I had four sister's who share the room with, Now that I am married my Husband is not helping with this matter. I hate not sleeping in my room with my Husband sometime I go to our room to be with my Husband but this is really kill me inside can someone please help me with this matter. before I call it quit over this messie room. Help!!!!!

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Hi Nancy.
The first thing we should ask is "did you know what he was like before you got married?" Surely you must have known what he was like. If you are so uncomfortable with this, then why did you marry him? Did you really think that he would magically change once you were married? A salutory lesson here - a leopard will never change his spots.
However, most things can be sorted out through communication. Have you explained to him how strongly you feel about this - that's the first step. Have a quiet word with his mother and ask was he always like this. It might be that his mom always cleaned up after him - if so he's likely expecting you to do this. After all this, if things don't improve then tell he straight that you just cannot carry on - and give him a couple of weeks to sort himself out. If he hasn't done so, then it's down to you whether you stay and act like his servant cleaning up after him, or leave and find someone who'll not expect his wife to be a servant. But if he's not prepared to turn over a new leaf not - don't expect him to EVER do so.
And don't come the "but I love him". That will never work unless he also loves you - and if he's not prepared to tidy up after himself he certainly does NOT love you.
God bless his Mother she have past away, he had not always been like this he had own house before we got married and he kept it nice and clean. He love shopping and love clothes.
hello my dear ..
try to make difference by taking things that he dont use and dont notice (out) then you pack things he notice after telling him whats the point of them ,,, if he complains tell him you would like to move them to another place !!
you can do it step by step not all at once (good luck my dear)
Thanks you so much,I will try that it sound good to me.
I think you two need to tackle this mess. Get your husband to help by letting him know why you don't sleep in there. Then let him know how much more receptive you would be to make love more often if the room was more romantic. First off everything you don't need, want or wear donate to a thrift store!! Next try and organze the closet's and dresser's, then buy some rubber storage containers and pack and label them and maybe move them to another room.
Quitting room is not good at all. I think you love your husband more than everything and also than a clean room. You should talk with him for your needs and you can even initiate making your room nice. When you will do it time and again then your husband may feel shame on him and may be he can change his habits for you. Bad room may also affect your health and may create health problems. So be neat and clean for better health
When it comes down to a man only gets married because he needs a mother. Ever heard of that? I believe it is true. I see it with my husband some times. Talk to him about your frustrations over this issue. Wait for a little while so it can sink in. With men you have to let things digest. See if he gets motivated to do what you ask of him. Don't get angry when you ask it. This will only make him resent you. If he still don't understand your concern its might be to your benefit to clean it yourself. Without being mad and without words to him. This will benefit you even if your the one having to do it. I have been through some similar issues like this with my husband also. When your done cleaning he will think about what you asked from him. It will sort of put a guilt trip on him that he to you forgranted. Maybe the next time he will remember what you said and the work you did and respect the fact (without you getting angry and frustrated) to keep it clean. For me I wouldn't dare stay in a room with my husband (even if he makes the mess) that I couldn't be comfrontable in. Sometimes we wives have to go the extra step with our husbands behaviors just to be happy ourself. Its not always fair but it works in the long run.
I have the opposite problem. I'm the neat person. My wife is the slob. Lives in clutter and doesn't care, clothes pile up, no thought of putting them away, dishes in the sink, etc. I used to pick up after her, but don't any longer.

My suggestion: Day 1-ask politely" would you pick up your clothes in the bedroom today and straighten up for me".

Give him a few days. If he does not, then very firmly say "I asked you to clean up, you said that you would, but you haven't done it. Please do it now."

If that doesn't work, in a few days, blast him. "It's not fair that I have to clean up after you. Be considerate of me,,,, etc". At that point don't mince words and be direct. Let him know that it is really affecting you.

That is what works for me. You can re-train somebody, but it does take a lot of time and effort. I have to constantly be on my wife's case to pick up/clean up after herself. But I've kind of made it one of my hobbies-to bring her back from the dark side.


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