Huge Friend blowout!!! Should I feel guilty?
So I allowed my close friend to live with me because she had no where to stay (big mistake I know). The conditions were she was going to pay us 400 a month and needless to say she lost her job. My husband and I talked about it and allowed her to stay with us two more months. The condition of that was she would have to have a job in order to continue to live with us. In the begining we allowed her to drive out extra car to and from work and she started taking advantage and driving it everywhere. We did not say anythin in the begining because she was able to pay for damages if something were to happen. I eventually had to shut all that down and then she became resentful. She was staying in the room all day and not being anti-social. I would act as if nothing had happend. She continued to use the truck thinking we did not know.......we never said anything because we knew that she would probably be moving out soon. Today was the day she had to leave......she said nothing to us...not a thank you or anything. I told her I was really disippointed in here because she did not thank us and she was really sneaky. She said I would not have anything I had if it wasnt for my husband, that I was judgemental and all I really said was that she needed to make better decisions because she was 28 years old and had nothing to show for it....and her outcome in life was nobody's fault but here own. I felt bad because she said I was just like everyone else and I thought what I did not have to help you out.............should I feel guilty?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by valerie williams on -
i agree with youre friend you do come off as being judgemental when doing a favor for a friend youre not supposed to expect anything in return it sounds like you feel guilty or you wouldent be wondering if you should also 400.00 a month is alot . would you have anything if it werent for youre husband i dont know but i suggest you talk to god and or robert have a great night signed all in love
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Permalink Reply by Shanae Fox on -
There was an agreement..........I asked her if she could offord 400 she said yes....she was previously paying more than that but was sleeping on the couch and was asked to constantly front more money. Also she understood we were struggling and so we would help her while she was helping us. I live in California and the cost of living is very high out here. I probably wouldnt have anything the same things I would have with my husband, both cars paid off and a half a million dollar home....your right. It takes two incomes for that. I'm content with how everything went down........I prayed about it and everything is all good.
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Permalink Reply by Brandie Prine on -
That is why my husband and I never have and never will let friends or family live with us nor do we loan money to anyone!! If someone is down and out and are truly in need of help we just give them the money. $400 is allot to ask of someone living with you unless of course where you live the cost of living is extremely high If she had asked would it have been ok for her to take the car out besides to work? If she agreed to everything you said she does not have the right to be angry with you but it makes me wonder how you made her feel along the way. Most people hate asking for help and its humiliating, with her I don't know only you know that answer. You guys really need to talk though. Don't let a close friendship end this way. Good friends are hard to come by so we should cherish the ones we have and friends are going to offend one another from time to time. The longer you let this go the easier it will be to lose you guys friendship. :) You make the first step, you will be so proud of yourself!!!
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Permalink Reply by Shanae Fox on
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I've given her money several times and have helped her out several times just never to the extent of living with me. She does not like to be told anything or to help out around the house. I dont like to let things linger so we talk. When she decides she wants a real friendship then we will talk. I noticed several things while she was living with us. This was just a 10th or the story....anyways thanks.
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Permalink Reply by Andrea Firpo on
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Nope. I don't think you are wrong. I had the same thing happen last Spring (being the philanthropist that I am) and my husband will never forgive me for it (or let me live it down for that matter)! But we both agree that we were taken advantage of.
I think you are absolutely right on, and unfortunately you had to lose a friend over it. But ultimately you are being honest and if she isn't open to listening to you and growing from the experience, that is her issue not yours.
$400 is nothing. $400 is grocery money for the month for a single person. You can spend that much on gas in a month. Where I live you are lucky to get a 1 bedroom for $1200. Seriously, where do the people who commented below live, Ohio? Seriously!
It's unfortunate that everyone feels sorry for your friend... because that is her problem. You are the first to stand up to her and not continue to feel sorry for her and her circumstances and throw her some more sympathy, and that is why she is angry with you. It's hard to look in the mirror.
How long are you suppossed to feel sorry for someone when they take no action to help themselves????It's not like you said you can't accept her and don't want to be her friend anymore. you told her she needs to hold herself more accountable!
Ask yourself this, if you didn't end up feeling sorry for her where would she have gone in the first place? It seems to me she continually takes advantage of everyone around her otherwise you wouldn't have been the only place to go.
She needs to grow up and her parents should be telling her this, not her friends. And no, I don't think she is a good friend. A good friend would call you up when they pulled their head out and apologize. A good friend swallows their humility and admits they are wrong. She was wrong. You had an agreement.
Find a new friend who doesn't hold you accountable for what goes wrong in their life. :)
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Permalink Reply by Shanae Fox on
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thanks....thats a sigh of relief to hear....'til this day she has not called me. I expected it though so not really disappointed just sucks to know that people can be so selfish....
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