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My husband and I have been married for a little less than 6 months.  And needless to say from the title of this post - it has not been an easy transition.  There are so many "issues" I have noticed that I didn't notice when we were just dating that maybe might have changed my mind about getting engaged at all.  I love him dearly, but I feel like such a failure and that we are slapping the "best years of our lives" in the face because we fight ALL THE TIME over nonsense.  I feel like we are quickly becoming "that couple" and I don't want that at all! 

Don't get me wrong, I want to work it out with him. There is no option of divorce for personal and religious reasons - and that's not even where I am.  But I don't want to get there with him or just wind up hating each other and be resentful.  We just can't seem to get along whenever we're together.  We fight over the pettiest and tiniest things and hold on to the argument for days at a time.  We don't hang out and when we do, its super tense.  Our sex life is ok - but with all the arguing, I'm not much in the mood to make up.  I feel like we're not best friends- but that our relationship is more of an arrangement.  When he comes home at night he just wants to hang out on his computer and not talk at all.  I much prefer doing things without him than with him.  Sorry for the ramble.  This whole situation makes me feel terrible.  I hate getting mad at him - but its like I can't stop myself and neither can he.  

And yes I have tried to talk to him about it - all the time.  I've tried everything I can think of.  I'm in the process of trying to find us a counselor.  I'm not sure what else to do.  

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Maybe you are just in the adjustment period. It is normal for married couples to have fight all the time during the first year of marriage. It is best to seek an advice from a married counselor before things get complicated.

I have found that there are simple things that contribute to disagreements and dissent early in a marriage. There could be small underlying issues ranging from who thinks the other is responsible for taking out the trash; to who is supposed to do the dishes when both of you may be working. It is a serious situation to address, however; with a little reality check on what is contributing to the negative behavior from the both of you, you can begin to find the root cause of the unhappiness and work as team to correct it. Remember, you two decided to live the rest of your lives together for better or for worse and I for one thinks that means there must be a way to make it through this time as well. I wrote a book available in Amazon called "Successfully Married". From the way you described the behavior of your husband, I think it will be excellent food for thought for him in developing a behavior that will positively impact your marriage. I hope you two decide to make things better rather than settle for worse.

I am not sure if you are getting some help for your marriage since you posted your request for help. However, I am happy to see that divorce is not an option, because that will help you and your husband to hang in there for the long haul in your marriage. The first few years of marriage can be very challenging. This is the time when you and your spouse really get to know each other. For some couples it takes a longer time to adjust to each other, but as time goes on they make the necessary adjustments and go on to live happily  ever after. The lines of communication must be open between you in order to solve the problems between you. Both of you will have to talk about the issues that you are facing. You both have to talk and listen to each other in order to move forward with your relationship.Talk. talk , talk to each other. If your husband does not want to talk with you ,you will have to get professional help if your marriage is ever going to go the distance. Please not to try getting advice from "friends" or even family members because they have their own opinions. The best way to go is to find people who have strong successful marriage and ask them for help. My prayers are with you for a long and happy marriage. All the best to you and your husband.

an adjustment period for both of you.


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