Sex

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Permalink Reply by Nyx Wolfwalker on May 16, 2009 at 2:14am

My mate already wonts more sex then I can give him as it is - I new this when we started dating, and living together and everything

told him up front, if he needs to take care of business be my guest, but I don't do it as much as he'd like because I do not have the drive for it.

sides I prefer cuddling over sex, can cuddle all day long and since he's into that big time it works well enough for us

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Permalink Reply by Inquiring Brain on May 21, 2009 at 4:33pm

Karla, are you really interested? Basically women don't want us to chat about it. They hope it will all go away. Read The Female Brain by Luanne Brizendine, MD. She's a psychiatrist with lots of experience. She doesn't explain away female behavior, she explains it. She offers no excuses, just tells the truth. Sex is a tool to get what women want. Then after they have what they want, they're not interested. It's driven by hormones and brain chemicals in both females and males. Males just happen to be consistent and don't lose those hormones and chemicals quickly like women. The result is that we're left out in the cold and expected to pretend it's OK. No, women don't want to know we still want sex. They're done, so we have to be done. Think I"m being to harsh? Read the book.

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Permalink Reply by Steve on June 30, 2009 at 12:15pm

I just find it so amazing the common theme or should I say excuses women come up with to avoid sex and or intimacy. " OH I'm so tired , or the house needs to be cleaned, or the rose bush needs to be trimmed" ......I live in a sexless marriage. I'm a good father and husband. I work hard to provide for my family. Why is it us men have to do "something" in order to get a little. What a bunch of crap. I love the OP... "So girls if you husband wanted to have more sex how would you recommend he chat with you about? " What? must he come begging for it. Guys once a womans needs are met you can forget about she taking care of yours. After all you are just a paycheck to them. If women don't want to at least try to satisify you a little them give up on any cuddles, any affection, kinda like roomates. See how the "good wife" warms upto that.

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Permalink Reply by My Fat Spouse on July 5, 2009 at 8:12am

If my husband wants to have sex with me he's going to need to think about going on a diet. Seriously!

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Permalink Reply by Debbie King on July 22, 2009 at 11:15am

I'd wager that most of those women have never experienced a full mind-blowing orgasm - and whose fault is that? The men of course, who are too vain (and stupid) to recognise it. Men could stick their willy in a sink plug-hole and come off, but women need foreplay. In answer, it's down to the man - and I'd suggest a good porno video (for the man) to see just how the porn-stars use foreplay to get their on-screen parners to orgasm (and often several). Most men seem to have the philosophy "push it in, pull it out, and wipe it". No wonder women go off sex. They've never been brought to an orgasm and the man is blaming the woman? Get real !!

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Permalink Reply by Straight Man on July 22, 2009 at 11:08pm

Ah, if a woman isn't interested, it MUST be the man's fault. Why not society's fault? Or the government's fault? Grow up and learn a little. Personally, I spend between an hour and 3 hours getting my wife to a climax. I work hard on it every time. Every time. She has huge orgasms which require substantial recovery time pretty much ever time we have sex.

This is not a brag. We don't know each other so what would be the point? Sex is important to me so I do try to have it be the greatest event of any day. Yes, some men are not aware of how to please a woman. But for every one of them it seems that there is a frigid wife who's sex drive was killed by wedding cake.

My first wife had a medical problem early in our marriage and ended up with no female hormones. Therefore she had very little sex drive. To keep her interest, I read about and developed techniques to please her and maintain her interest in sex the best I could.

So, before you give some sorry old line like you did, become educated with facts on the subject. Don't throw pop-psych drivel on the web. Read the book I suggested (The Female Brain by Dr. Lauren Brizendine). It contains medical facts, which will probably shock and offend you.

Stop blaming men for your low sex drive. Should we blame women and say they have poor communication skills if we don't want to listen to them for an hour straight?

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Permalink Reply by Deborah Sheri Darby on July 26, 2009 at 2:33am

That is so true. My marriage is a one way in the sex department. My husband gets his satification and that is it. when I want some satification after he is done he goes to sleep. What makes me mad is that he usually want's sex is when I am tired and just about asleep. And he wonders why i don't get into the mood.

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Permalink Reply by Straight Man on August 10, 2009 at 11:21am

I am truly sorry to hear that. I am not sure what percentage of sex problems are due to the guy being self centered. But I fear it is the majority of them. Until he's motivated to change, he won't. Throwing a book at him isn't likely to work.

Maybe if you sat down to watch a DVD on relationships it might help. One that I found interesting was by Mark Gungor called Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage. He has a website and all. I bought the seminar DVDs and it was about $60 but so worth it. Anyway, check out their website.

The Mars/Venus books are good, but he has to want to read them.

For yourself, Alison A. Armstrong has an organization teaching women how to understand men. She really does seem to understand us! She has books on her website (understandingmen) but I'd suggest searching online for a better price. My wife has read a couple and wants to attend a seminar. I hope she can go before the years end.

Anyway, I hope things improve for you. Please let me know. I'm at straightmanstyle on Y.

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Permalink Reply by PK on August 11, 2009 at 11:28am

I'm the one who wants more sex than my husband. He has a much lower drive than I have. He knows it. I know it. And we do talk about it, a little bit. He tries to make an effort so that we don't drift into that 'sexless' marriage territory, but he has trouble talking about it. I know he feels badly so I don't press him to talk about how or what we could do to to work this out.

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Permalink Reply by Straight Man on August 11, 2009 at 2:11pm

Has he had his testosterone level checked? It's easy to fix. I guess it's kind of common in men. Seems like it would be worth a shot to keep you happy!

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Permalink Reply by PK on August 14, 2009 at 10:31am

Thanks SM. We'll check it out and talk to his doc.

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Permalink Reply by shani on August 14, 2009 at 7:18pm

what can be done if testosterone level is very poor? Are there treatments available, and what are reasons for such a decrease?

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